To No End
by KaraLJ
Summary: You'd think being a Greaser was bad enough. But when you're a girl, and from a young age, ended up living among the Greasers, fighting by their side, living by their rules, you sometimes get the worst punishments. When tragedy strikes, and a secret is revealed, they're gonna have to get through it, as a family, one day at a time.
1. Introduction

When you grow up on the lousy side of town, you see things you wish you hadn't, you do things you regret, and you have to put up with things that you wouldn't have to elsewhere. When you're a girl growing up on the lousy side of town, things are a heck of a lot worse.

I heard them coming long before I saw them. Their drunker laughter all too familiar. I dropped my dog's leash, and kept walking, letting the four year old mutt trot at my side, knowing he'd be a help if these guys tried anything.

"Hey Greaser!" one called as he jogged up next to me, grabbing my arm with enough force to not only stop me, but knock me down. I growled, but said nothing.

"Hey look! It's their plaything!" one taunted. I hated when comments like that popped up. The last thing I was was a plaything.

I kicked with all my strength, and nearly got out from under the small, but strong Soc, when another punched me square in the face. I blinked stupidly.

"I wonder if she's as easy as she looks," the biggest one laughed. This got the group rolling. I vaguely heard my dog, Killer, barking fiercely, then let out a yelp when someone kicked him hard. He kept barking as he backed away, now heading in the direction of the Curtis' house. I realized momentarily, that we were just two blocks shy.

The rest was a haze that I'd rather not remember. The pain was more than unbearable, and the embarrassment was even worse. I heard pounding footsteps approaching, and the sound of the Socs getting to their feet.

Someone grabbed hold of me and shook me with such force, I was sure I'd be sick all over their shoes. I couldn't tell who, and quite frankly, it didn't really matter.

"Kay? Kaylly?!" a voice came. I forced my eyes open, blinking back tears from the pain sheering through my body, and saw that it was Sodapop, the middle Curtis brother, and one of my best friends. "Kay, what did they do?"

I stared stupidly at him for a long time, unable to find the strength to talk. I felt a cold nose press against my naked thigh and flinched.

"Move!" another voice came, and I closed my eyes, still too stunned to really take in what was going on around me. I vaguely remember hearing what sounded like someone get shoved, then felt warm hands brushing my hair off my face. "Kay? C'mon Kay, say somethin'" an all too familiar voice rang higher than the rest. It was Dallas Winston, the closest thing I had to a brother. He shook me too quickly, and it took all I had to turn away fast enough not to be sick all over his jacket. "easy, easy," he murmured in a tone all too soft for the cold, angry Dallas.

"I'm fine," I gasped, shivering slightly. I didn't remember it being that cold, until that moment. "They jumped me, that's all," I added.

It took another ten minutes or so for me to come fully together, but when I sat up, I saw seven pairs of concerned eyes watching my every move. Dally had let go of me, but stayed so close, I was sure he'd snap at the slightest insult, so I stayed quiet. Soda was pressing a dampened handkerchief to my bleeding forehead, and Ponyboy was lighting a smoke.

"Pass that this way, wouldya Pony?" I asked, my voice strained. He did so without a second though. I took a long drag and looked around at the motley crew of a family staring back at me. Killer whined and pushed his furry head under my arm, his warm fur taking away some of the chill that had filled my bones. I leaned against him, too tired to try and support myself.

"What happened?" Darry finally asked. I'd been waiting for that question.

"I was walking home from the DX, thought nothin' of it either," I said with a sigh. "Had to get the dog somethin' to eat before figurin' out where I was crashin' tonight. Ended up taking the long way home, 'cause I needed to stop by the drugstore and whatever. They came up and jumped me, nothin' new," I finished, leaving out most of the story.

"They jus' jumped you? Jus like that?" Steve asked. "What were ya thinkin' walkin' home alone anyhow?"

"I didn't think nothin' of it, I practically live on the streets, Steve, ain't nothin' new. Didn't 'spect to get jumped tho," I sighed, too tired to explain it. I knew fully why I was jumped. When a story starts up, people talk, and that talkin' gets people mad.

"So they only jumped you?" Soda asked, his eyes watching my expression. We had one of those friendships, where we could read eachother quite fine most times. So I knew he knew I wasn't tellin' him the whole truth, even when I nodded and said "Yea, that's all,"

"You got to start thinkin'" Darry muttered. Ponyboy gave him a dirty look, then handed me the cigarette again. I took a drag and passed it back, before looking at Darry.

"I use my head, Darry. I just ain't 'bout to call one of you every time I need to walk to the store. Ain't my fault my truck took a shit and won't run," I grumbled, then glanced at Steve. "Any news 'bout that yet?"

"Figurin' it finally died. Don't know if it'll get up and runnin' again," he said truthfully. I'd spent the last of that week's paycheck to get it towed in, in hopes that Steve and Soda could get it running again.

"Damn, looks like Imma be walkin' a while, huh?" I forced a laugh. Using Killer and Dally for support, I stood up and adjusted my thin jacket, shivering from the cool breeze that had come in. I grabbed hold of the dog's leash, not willing to trust him enough not to dart off the first chance he got. Though he was trained to be a good dog, he didn't take kindly to strangers, and would chase 'em around the block first chance he got.

The walk home was quiet. Soda must of seen that I was having a hard time walkin' right, because he offered me his arm, which I leaned against gratefully. Sometimes, I swear, having an almost silent friendship came in handy, 'specially when you didn't really want to talk about what happened. Killer let out a low growl as we walked through the lot, his ears flat against his skull.

"Easy Kills. Ain't nothin' there you old bat," I laughed, giving the leash a light tug. He growled again, and pulled away from me. I dropped the leash and looked around. The lot was completely empty.

"That dog of yours sure does have a problem," Two-Bit laughed. "Must be a bitch around somewhere."

"Naw, he's just hyped up. C'mon Killer, get over here," I called. The dog didn't listen. He stood under the streetlamp, growling angrily. He almost reminded me of Dally when he got like that. "Damnit dog, c'mere!" I called, annoyed.

Killer growled once more, then trotted over to my side, his eyes wary. I grabbed his leash, and pulled him with us, as we continued to the house. No one said anything after that, everyone lost in his own thoughts.

At the house, Two-Bit and Steve said their goodnights, while Dally dragged me into the kitchen, to get a good look at the cut on my forehead.

"It ain't nothin' Dally," I complained as he pressed a makeshift icepack to the cut. I winced and pulled away, but that didn't stop him.

After he was done making my head hurt even worse, he and Johnny left, leaving me with the Curtis'. And let's just say if I had the guts to leave, Dally would smash my skull in himself. Sometimes being that kid's 'sister' was the worst choice I ever made.

Soda watched me as Pony and Darry started making dinner. I think they were trying to give me some time with Soda, maybe hopin' I'd open up and tell him what happened out there. I had no intentions of that though, and eventually made my way to their bathroom, with my old, ripped up backpack, which held pretty much everything I owned.

I took our a fresh change of clothes and my brush, and took a hot shower, letting the water ease the tension out of my bones. After I changed into my last pair of clean jeans and a black long sleeves shirt, I pulled my long hair into a messy bun, not really caring. These guys were family, I had no need to impress them, even if I could. Not like I could tho. Can't impress no one when you ain't got much to your name.

I cracked open a can of food for Killer, and tied him to the leg of the table, shaking my head as I did. "You're a hell of a dog," I muttered to him, as he eagerly ate the food in a few bites. He wagged his tail, then nudged my leg, again causing me to wince.

At dinner, all three of the guys watched me as if they were waiting for me to answer an unspoken question. I had not intentions to tho. No matter what, I was keepin' what happened to myself.

* * *

_A/N;; This is another Outsiders fanfic, only this time, it's newer. Not 4 years old like my last one was. Any feedback, both negative and positive is appreciated! In case anyone's wondering, Kaylly's name is pronounced "Kay-Lee". Trust me, this story has a purpose. ;) _


	2. Chapter 1

I laid awake on their couch for hours that night. Killer laid across my feet, his tail thumping against my leg every few minutes. He looked at me, then fell asleep. I sighed softly, shivering, despite the warmth of the blankets that covered me. I felt cold, numb, dirty. Worst, I felt alone. This wasn't the first time something like that had happened. I wish it were, but it wasn't. I always remembered it so clearly afterwards too, which was worse. Because I couldn't tell no one. Because if I told them, it'd spark a rumble worse than any I've seen before – and I'd seen some pretty rough rumbles in my short 19 years of life.

I finally decided to get up and raid the fridge for food. Knowing the boys, there'd be chocolate cake, and if not, I'd probably end up baking one. I glanced at the clock and yawned. It was almost six,and I knew the boys would be up soon, even though it was a Saturday. I pulled the cake from the fridge, and started looking around for the coffee. I knew Darry always made some in the morning, even though he was the only one who actually drank it, next to me, or on rare occasion, Dally if he was hung over bad enough. I put on a pot, and nearly jumped outta my skin when Killer nudged me with his cold nose. He whined and walked to the back door, his tail thumping softly against the floor. I sighed and grabbed his leash off the counter, and opened the door. I tied him to the railing, not willing to let the dog get under the gate for the millionth time that year.

I yawned again, and rubbed my cold hands together, debating on making eggs or not. Normally Darry did the cooking, especially in the morning, since he was normally the first one up. I decided to cut him a break, and made a dozen eggs. I was washing the frying pan when I heard soft footsteps making their way into the kitchen.

"You're up early," Darry yawned.

"Couldn't sleep," I admitted as I handed him a cup of black coffee. The smell was giving me a headache, but I didn't really mind it – it was better than the emotional pain I was hiding so cleverly.

"You even cooked?" Darry asked with another yawn. I yawned then nodded.

"Stop yawning!" I groaned, trying to stifle another yawn.

He hid a smile as he sat down and settled in to read the paper. I made my back to the boy's room, and pushed the door open, startling a still half asleep Soda in the process.

"G'morning," he mumbled, fiddling with his hair.

"Breakfast's on the table," I said as I picked up the laundry from the night before. "Get any dirty laundry together," I added over my shoulder as I dropped what I could find in the hamper.

"Since when do you clean our house?" he asked tiredly.

"Since I decided to," I laughed, gathering the damp towels. "Anyway, Darry sure doesn't haveta be the only one cleaning up after you two," I said as an after thought. It was common knowledge that Darry worked harder than anyone his age should. He never had time to enjoy himself, what with work, and the house, and making sure Soda and Ponyboy stayed outta trouble.

"That's mighty nice of ya," Darry said from the table, his eyes locked on mine, as if to get a read on me. He couldn't tho, because my cleaning the house was nothing new. That was how come I never had a hard time crashin' at any of the guy's houses. I always cleaned. Two-Bit's mom used to beg me to come around, just to clean up, because she knew I loved doing it.

"Ain't nothin', I like cleaning," I said with a laugh.

"You're the weirdest person I know," Soda laughed as he handed me another bunch of laundry.

"Naw, you're weirder," I laughed as I pulled the basket through the house, picking up discarded socks as I went. Those three kept a clean house, what with being boys and all. I just had a thing for cleaning. Especially when I was trying to keep my mind busy. My mom used to have me clean whenever she and my dad got through fightin'. It kept me from running off.

"Soda, let the dog in, wouldya?" I called over my shoulder as I loaded the washer. I heard the door open, and yelped when a very wet dog head bumped my foot. "Jeez, it rainin' already?" I asked.

"Was. Ain't no more," Soda commented.

Ponyboy nearly walked right into me as I was getting the bucket out to mop the floors.

"Did you hire a maid, Darry?" he asked tiredly. Then he blinked and saw it was me. "Whatcha doin'?" he asked.

"Cleaning," I said with a laugh. "Whatsit to ya?"

"Not used to no one cleanin' this early," he yawned.

I laughed at that, and continued with what I was doing.

After the house was pretty much spotless, I noticed Soda staring at me. He nodded towards the door, and I followed him, without question.

"You never clean this hard this early," he stated.

"I couldn't sleep," I admitted. It was no secret that I could sleep till noon on Saturdays, especially after a long week at work.

"Whys that?" he asked, his eyes showing genuine concern.

"Jus couldn't," I said. He kept watching me, but let it go. He musta knew that I wasn't tellin' him something, but he didn't press the issue.

"Hey Kay?" Pony called from the table.

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you go back to school after your mom died?" he asked. The question took me by surprise.

"'Cause my dad told me to get a job or get out. So I did both," I said truthfully. "Anyhow, I learned all that school could teach me,"

"But you were top of your class," he said. He spoke the truth. I coulda went to college if I didn't drop out my second year of high school. I woulda graduated 'round the same time as Darry, had my mom not had cancer. Instead, up until she died, I was pulling double, sometimes triple shifts to help pay the bills around the house. It was hard enough taking care of four ankle bitters, let alone a sick mother.

"Whys it matter, Ponyboy? I jus didn't do nothin' with school," I muttered, wondering where he was going with all this lip flappin.

"Jus' wondering's all," he said. He looked down at his plate. I shook my head, then grabbed hold of Killer's leash and clipped it to his collar. I snagged my bag off the floor, and nodded at the boys.

"Pony, you're goin' to the Dingo with Dally and Johnny later, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, you wanna come?" he asked.

"Might meet up with ya later. Got a shift this morning, but might show afterwards," I said with a nod.

"You know where to find us," Pony said. I nodded, then made my way out the front door. I had to drop Killer off at Buck's since Dally agreed to take the dog for the day. I hated walking to Buck's though. Rather, I hated Buck. He was a fine enough guy, but I wasn't fond of him, and sure as heck didn't like his party animal behavior. But I needed somewhere to drop the dog, and Dally was one of the few he'd listen to.

"Dally!" I called when I saw him walking outta the front door. He stopped and nodded in my direction, clearly already high. "You're dog-sittin' today," I reminded him.

"Right, right," he said as he took the leash from me. "You off work early t'night?"

"Should be off at 2, but I haveta stop at the Old Man's place n' let him know I'm alive," I said with a sigh.

He nodded and made his way through the front door, Killer at his heels.

I sighed and took the fast way to work, hoping that by getting there early, they'd let me off early. I hated being a waitress almost as much as I hated my old man. He was nothing but trouble since my mom got sick, and after she died, he became a nightmare to live with. I only stopped home every once in a while, to let him know I was still kickin' and to give him some money for the kids. He was a violent man, who was always hacked at me and had no problem throwing me around whenever I was home and he was loaded.

I got to work earlier than I planned, but my boss let me clock in. It was Saturday, and early, so the only thing that needed to be done was dishes and the floor. I blew through those like they were nothing, then waited around for the place to fill up. I normally didn't work Saturdays, because Lilly and May, the two horribly dirty chicks that worked Monday nights normally took the weekend shifts. I sure as heck didn't mind, I hated working weekends – they were the busiest days of the week.

"Lilly'll be here by noon. How long I have you on for today?" David, my boss asked. He was a decent man, never really hollered at me, and treated me same as anyone, even though I was clearly from a different class than the rest of his waitresses.

"I can stay however long you need me, but I don't mind leavin' early," I said truthfully. I didn't need the hours, I had already worked twice my regular time that week.

"You can leave when Lilly shows, ain't gonna need you that much t'day," he said kindly. He was always cuttin' me breaks since my mom died.

"Sure thing," I said brightly, forcing a smile. As much as I hated the job, it was better than nothing, and tho it made close to nothing, I got by.

I watched as a group of guys came in. I sighed and wiped my hands on my apron before heading over to their table. I jotted down their order, and returned swiftly with their drinks. I was quick and accurate with my job most days, had to be. David only had room for two waitresses, and having me on was making his life a living hell with Lilly and May, who hated only getting lousy hours because I worked most days. But I had been hired first...

"Hey babe," the guy called, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I asked, rather annoyed. When were guys going to grow up?

"Heard you got jumped las' night," he said, causing his table to laugh. I shook my head and walked around the counter, punching the wall as I did. Lilly came in at that moment, and David, noticing my anger, told me to get outta there before I tore the place up.

I changed out of my uniform and tossed it in my little locker, where it always stayed. I untied my hair, and let it fall in loose, greasy waves down my back. I actually hated greasy hair, but for some reason, no matter how hard I tried, my hair wound up greasier than ever. I pulled the knots out and pulled on my mud stained boots. With a smile on my face, I left through the backdoor, for once, eager to get to my old man's place. It'd been years since I actually stopped in on a day the kids were home, and I was excited to see the four kids. Five if I got lucky and my older brother was home, but it was unlikely. I knew he'd taken a job out of town, and hadn't looked back since.

The rain had started again when I was walking, but I didn't mind. I rounded the blocks of my old neighborhood, and smiled to myself. I might have been born and raised on little to nothing, in one of the roughest parts of town, but I had a home, should I ever feel a need to come back.

When I approached the house of my childhood, the house where my little brothers and sister were born, where my mom died, something felt terribly wrong. The curtains weren't hung neatly like they normally were, and there were no bikes or scraps of paper littering the yard. I walked up the front stairs, and knocked on the door. I nearly had a heartattack when one of the neighbors, old Mr. Riley tapped me on the shoulder.

"You're Kaylly, right? Used ta be the ol'est girl at home after your mama died?" he asked, his accent thick. My brother and I used to joke about his accent when we were kids. He was from Tennessee but moved to Tulsa when he got married over 50 years ago. Somehow, he never lost the accent tho.

"Yes, sir," I said, trying my hardest to keep my voice polite.

"Your pa and the kids moved outta state last week, said he couldn't stand livin' here without your mama and little Jenny," he said with a sad shake of his head.

"What do you mean, without Jenny?" I asked, my eyes widening. Jennica, better known as Little Jenny, was my only sister, and youngest sibling. She was born 2 months before my mom learned she had cancer.

"Why didn't you hear? Little Jenny died in a drive by a month ago," he said, still shaking his head. "How long it been since you came home, Kaylly?" he added.

"I ain't been home in 'bout 6 months, couldn't stand bein' here. Why wasn't it in the paper?" I asked. Darry normally kept me up to date with the news.

"'Cause your pa didn't want it to. But they up and left. Thought they done took you with 'em" he replied.

"No...I had no idea," I muttered. "So they just up and left?"

"Yupp. Said he sold the house to the state, and left," he said. "Sorry 'bout your loss, Kaylly." he added before walking away.

My head was spinning as I walked down the old, wooden stairs. I felt as if my heart had been ripped from my chest all over again. My mom died when I was 16, almost 4 years ago. Jenny would have been about 8 this year. I shook my head sadly. Though I had more or less cut my family out since my mom died – even more so since the Curtis' parents died in the car accident almost a year ago. I'd bounced from house to house a lot in the last five years, but more times than not, I wound up at the Curtis house. Their mom had been like a second mom to me, especially after mine died. She and Mr. Curtis were such kindhearted people. I loved them more than my own family.

I walked down to Buck's house, and saw Killer tied tightly to the fence. I sighed and untied him, before leaving behind a piece of cloth, a telltale that I took my dog and he wasn't stolen, not that Dally woulda remembered he was supposed to be watching him anyway.

I walked down the dust road, my dog at my side. Killer was my only real family left. Not that the guys weren't family, because they were, but Killer was all I had from my childhood left. I ended up walking to the DX, even though I knew no one worth talking to was working on a Saturday afternoon. I bought a pack of smokes, and weaved my way through the cars waiting to be worked on. I saw my old truck sitting there, looking dirtier than ever. I opened the door and slid in, almost wishing I could just drive away and never look back. I opened the glove compartment and rooted through the old pieces of paper until I found my mom's death notice. It had been printed in the paper the morning after she died. I read it over and over, until my vision was clouded by the tears rolling down my cheeks.

I finally decided it was time to do something, anything to keep my mind off life. I pulled out my watch and looked at the time. It was just barely late enough to head down to the Dingo and catch up with Dally, Ponyboy and Johnny. As much as I didn't want to spend the night with Dally, I figured I might as well, since he had been keeping Killer tied up all day for me.

I took a deep breath and brushed the tears from my eyes. Looking in the rear view mirror of my old pick up, I fixed my makeup, and slammed the door as I left. I started the semi long walk, for once, grateful for the silence. Who knew I'd be missing that in the days to come.


	3. Chapter 2

_A/N;; This chapter is a little graphic, with Kaylly's memories of the night before. The dialogue gives more than the actual details, but I'm putting this warning out now, this chapter is not suitable for all viewers. _

* * *

I never actually made it to the Dingo that night. I ended up walking around town and then ended up at the park. Something about the park at night made me feel real safe. Maybe it was the stars. I used to watch 'em when I was little, but never had time now that I was grown. I think Pony said somethin' about them before. But then again, Pony was always talkin' real deep like that.

I spent the time thinking. Something I haven't had time to do since everything happened. I thought about my mom and how her bleach blonde hair used to shine brighter than the sun in the summer. I remember how when we were all kids, my mom used to joke that I could have been a Curtis, with my light brown hair and sharp blue eyes. She said I looked more like their mom than her, because no one in our family had blue eyes, except me and my older brother. She used to tell me to be tough, after she found out she was dying. She told me to be like the guys. Be tough, but keep my heart.

"_You gotta stay strong, Kitten, you gotta keep your head tho, 'cause the world ain't a happy place," she said after I dropped out of school. "I'm so proud of you."_

"_Mom, how can you be proud? I did the one thing you asked me not to," I said, tears in my eyes._

"_You learned what you needed to. I know it ain't easy. The bills are piling up, and your dad can't take care of the kids and work full time. Timmy's tryin' to keep things up, but he don't have your heart. He ain't as kind. Jenny adores you, so do the boys. You're so good with them," she cooed her eyes shining with tears._

"_Aw, mom, don't cry!" I begged. _

The memories brought tears to my eyes. I pulled Killer close and let his warm fur keep the tears from falling from my eyes.

I remembered back to the last time I was home for more than a few hours. It had been the day after my mom's funeral. The ol' man was beatin' on me, and didn't stop till I told him flat out, that I wasn't coming back.

"_I'm done!" I screamed, pushing him away from me, blood dripping from my busted lip. I blinked back tears, as my older brother just stood there, watching as our father beat me black and blue. "I ain't comin' back!"_

"_You ain't gotta choice, kid. You're mine 'till you're 18," he said as he slapped me across the face. Timmy stepped in the, and good thing he did, 'cause I was ready to pull my blade and not think twice. _

"_Kaylly, get outta here. Don't look back," Timmy said, his voice stern, and for the first time in years, I listened to him._

I only went home every month or so, sometimes not even then, just to drop off money for the kids, and let my dad know I was alive. It didn't seem fair, that I was still a prisoner of circumstances, even though I left years ago.

I found myself remembering the night before then. The pain in my arms and back was still there, and I winced when I shifted my weight. It'd happened before, last night wasn't the first time, but I hadn't ever been so brutally beaten along with it.

"_She's real easy, she won't even scream," one of them laughed as he slammed my head against the __pavement, stunning me. I growled, but couldn't fight back. My arms were pinned, and my legs were spread. I knew it was going to happen, and I didn't see a way out. Killer was growling and barking, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see his fur standing on end, frothing at the mouth like he always did when he was a mile past angry._

"_You like this, don't you you greasy broad," the one on top of me purred. I tried to pull away, but it was a lost cause. I was too shaken up, too tired, and frankly, too weak to even get away. _

_It happened so fast, so roughly, so painfully, that I blocked it out as best I could. I felt the pain, sensed tissue ripping, and groaned, against my will._

"_This little slut sure likes it!" he laughed, pushing harder, leaving me shaking with pain and fear. _

_Then I heard familiar shouts. My vision clouded, and for a moment, I was able to escape, even if it was just in my mind. _

Killer lightly nipped my hand, and I realized the moon had moved in the sky. I stretched, and realized how cold I was. Rubbing my numb hands together, I started walking the cold walk to the Curtis' house. I watched the stars as I walked, amazed by how bright they seemed that night. I was halfway across the lot when I saw Ponyboy running full speed. He nearly ran right into me when he passed.

"Where's the fire?" I asked tiredly. Something about his expression worried me, but he didn't stop. I didn't have the energy to chase him either. It was late, I knew that much, and I knew Darry had to have had a cow that Pony was out that late, but it never occurred to me to follow him.

I opened the door and let Killer off his leash, my hands stiff from the cold air. One look around and I knew something terrible had happened. Sodapop's eyes were a combination of angry and shocked, not their normal bright, happy glow. Darry looked like he had just committed murder. I looked between the two, before saying anything.

"What the hell happened?" I finally asked, still nursing the cold out of my fingertips.

"Darry hit Ponyboy," Soda said, his voice shaking. I went over to my best friend, and wrapped my arms around him, before turning to Darry.

"That true?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer. Soda wouldn't lie about something like that.

"He came in at 2, Kaylly, he didn't even have a jacket on!" Darry said, his voice hushed and pained.

"That's no excuse to hit him!" I barked, furious with one of my oldest friends. "What were you thinking?"

"I-I wasn't," he whispered. I could have sworn I saw tears collecting in the corner of his eyes. "He just made me so mad. I hollered at Soda for stickin' up for him, and Pony hollered at me, and I don't know, I just lost it. I ain't meant to hit him, I'd never hit the kid," he mumbled.

"But you did hit him!" Soda barked. I looked between the two, then sighed.

"I'm gonna go look for him," I said finally. Killer came to my side, and pressed a cold nose to my leg. "Kills, you're gonna stay here," I added. I quickly made my way back to the bedroom Soda shared with Ponyboy, and grabbed one of the oversized sweatshirts. I was freezing, but I knew if I didn't go out after him, nothing good would come of the situation.

"Stay, you're not gonna do any good freezing to death," Darry said lightly. I glared at him, but deep down, I knew he was right. It was cold, and we all knew how fast Ponyboy could move if he wanted to. As much as I didn't like it, I nodded and pulled Killer up next to me. He whined and pressed his nose into my bruised leg, and I took the hint. I sank to the floor, my back against the kitchen doorframe, and let the large dog crawl into my lap, again, grateful for his warmth.

The house remained an eerie silent that night. Darry and Soda too turns pacing back and forth, but there was no words exchanged. I couldn't sleep, despite how exhausted I was. I eventually got up and looked at the clock. It was just barely 6. I went outside, Killer on my heels, and lit a cigarette. As I did, I picked up the news paper, and read the front cover.

**Breaking News, teenage boy found dead in park. Hoodlums wanted for first degree murder.**

"Darry!" I screamed, my voice cracking. "Come here!"

He ran outside like the devil was after him, Soda close behind. With trembling hands, I showed them the paper. I saw all color drain from Soda's face, and he made a sound that sounded like a cross between a dying cat and a broken man. I pressed my eyes close to calm my racing heart.

"Do you think...?" Darry let the question hang.

"Most likely," I groaned. Killer let out a sharp bark, which made my eyes snap open. He was pawing the ground, growling softly. I looked towards the lot, my heart sinking. I pushed past the pair and ran into Soda and Pony's bedroom, snatching one of Ponyboy's dirty shirts off the floor. I then grabbed Killer so tightly, it was a wonder he didn't take my hand off for it.

"C'mon boy, use that nose of yours," I begged, slamming the shirt into my poor dog's nose. He sniffed it, then yanked it from my hands and darted out the back door. I followed, not even bothering to grab a jacket, even though the cold morning air was already stinging my bare skin.

"Slow down, Killer, I ain't that fast," I huffed, my lungs burning from the effort of keeping up. The dog slowed and dropped the shirt on the ground, pressing his nose to the dirt. I took the chance to clip his leash around his neck, before he starting pulling forward. He stopped again, his ears going back. I looked around and realized we were only a block from the park. Taking a deep breath, I pulled Killer in the opposite direction – towards Buck's house.

I didn't bother knocking when I got there. I slammed the door open, and nearly got punched in the face for doing so, by a very wired, very tired looking Dally.

"Dallas Winston, I know you know where the boys are!" I practically screamed. He slammed his hand to my mouth and pulled me roughly into the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him. Killer growled and pulled a damp shirt from under the bed. I knew without question, that it was Ponyboy's.

"I ain't know a thing about where they are," Dally said tiredly.

"Don't lie to me," I growled, exhaustion kicking in, making me ten times angrier.

Here's something you should know. Dally wasn't as big as Darry, or as intimidating as Tim Shepherd, but he was tough, and scary when he was mad. He got mad a lot, and more times than not, forgot I was a girl. He had no problem giving me a good slap across the mouth for mouthing off, and wouldn't take my shit anymore than he would any of the guys. Except Johnny. That was probably the only person he'd never lay a hand on.

For Dally to be quiet, and look scared, you knew somethin' was terribly wrong.

"I ain't lyin' to you, Kaylly. I don't know where they are, exactly," he said, sighing.

"What do you know?" I asked, tired of this game. Dally really got me mad sometimes.

I listened quietly about how Ponyboy and Johnny came to him very early this mornin' soaking wet and rambling on about killing the Soc. I nodded when he said that, suspicions confirmed. He continued about how he told them to go outta town, and gave them money and a heater to do so.

"So where are they?" I asked.

"I can't tell you that, case you get hauled off to the station for questions. But they're gonna be fine," he said, his voice oddly soft.

I decided it was best to get outta there before the fuzz showed. They always hauled Dally in when stuff went down. I had sworn I wouldn't tell Darry or Soda, and I made true to my word, because when I got back to the house and they tried to get information outta me, I said that there was nothin' to tell.

I felt somethin' awful for lying to Soda, who had tear stains down his cheeks, but it was for the safety of the kids. Can't risk word getting' out, and anyway, Dally had promised to take me with him once things died down, said we'd go see 'em. That was good enough for me for the time being.

I only wish we'd seen it all comin'. I woulda told them in a heartbeat if we had.

* * *

_A/N;; Since we never really saw what happened from the other's point of view when Ponyboy and Johnny killed to Soc and had to run, I'm improvising. The next few chapters are going to be a little rough, because I hate improvising, but I'll do my best! Please, tell me what you think so far! I'm at a crossroads and what I want to happen next, and need a little positive reinforcement thus far! Thanks again for reading guys! _


	4. Chapter 3

The fuzz weren't at all thrilled when I was hauled in late that afternoon, my hair a greasy mess, my eyes wide and showing clear signs of exhaustion. The questions made no sense to my half asleep mind. I told them straight out I knew nothing, and just wanted to go home. That was when even more questions popped up tho, questions I never thought I'd be asked, let alone forced to answer.

"Our records show you ran away at 16, where have you been staying?" the nicer of the two officers asked.

"Ya know, wherever I can," I said, not giving out any more detail than that.

"Where were you when your sister died last month?" he asked.

"Ya know, around and about," I said tiredly. These were not the type of questions I expected to answer.

"Did you have anything to do with that?" the angry cop asked.

"Are you kidding? I didn't even know she was dead until yesterday," I growled.

"And you had absolutely nothing to do with that?" he asked again.

"No. I don't even recall being in that part of town at all that month," I said.

"We hear you've been seen around Dallas Winston, you two a thing?" the nicer one asked.

"No sir," I said, fighting back a laugh. That was the stupidest thing anyone's ever asked me.

"How close are you to the Curtis boys?" the angrier one asked. I didn't like him, and didn't answer his question either.

"Kaylly, we need you to cooperate. Ponyboy and Johnny Cade have been missing since last night, we need to know their whereabouts. They're wanted for a serious crime," the nicer one asked. He looked at me with soft, dark brown eyes, that made me remember Sodapop.

"I told you, I don't know where they are. I haven't seen them since yesterday morning," I said, which was about as truthful as it'd get.

"And you have no idea where they could be?"

"No sir, I told you, I ain't know nothing," I said, yawning tiredly.

"If you know something and you're not telling us..." he started before his partner cut him off

"I have no problem arresting you right here, as an accomplice. You're gonna tell us what we need to know, or you're going to jail," the other one snapped, slamming his hand down on the table.

"I. Don't. Know. Anything!" I practically screamed. I was tired, scared, and just wanted to go back to the house and sulk.

"Let 'er go Shawn, she ain't gonna tell us nothin'" the nice officer said, as he stood up and motioned for me to follow. I did willingly, and sighed when he told me "If you remember anything, please, give us a call."

I unchained Killer from where I had stashed him earlier that afternoon, just a block from the station, then made the long walk home. I was beyond tired, but I knew I wasn't going to be sleeping much until the boys came home, or at least, until Dally took me out to see them, wherever they were. I was worried beyond anything I've ever felt before, and I didn't dare let it show.

Darry looked up from the paper when I walked in, but said nothing, seeing that I was too tired to talk.

"Why don't you try to sleep?" Soda said tiredly from his perch on the arm chair.

"'cause I ain't gonna be able to," I sighed and sank down to the floor, leaning against the couch. Killer laid down next to me, his head on his paws. Even the dog was worried, you could see it in how quiet the normally very vocal dog was.

"They gotta be alright," I heard Darry moan.

* * *

You'd think it had been a lifetime since we saw them, with how tired the gang was. No one had been sleeping much that week, and even the happy go lucky Two-Bit was down in the dumps. We all took turns going out looking for them, even though we knew it was a lost cause. Dally was tight lipped as ever, and didn't say much of anything to anyone, except to lead the police of a wild goose hunt. We didn't see much of Dally that week, and when I finally ran into him on the 5th day, I made sure to bring along the news paper.

"You seriously told them Texas?" I laughed, throwing the news paper at him. He cracked a grin and smiled.

"Guess what?" He said sheepishly.

"What now?" I asked, way past exhausted.

"We're gonna go see 'em today," he said happily, doing some weird sort of dance. I thought he was high, then realized maybe I was just seeing things. Lord knows I was tired.

"Buck loaned me the T-Bird, we're gonna go see 'em!" he said with a goofy grin. I nodded half heartedly. I was more than ready to see the boys, but I wasn't feelin' too hot after 5 days of little to no sleep.

I stared blankly out the window while he drove. Killer was in the backseat, his tongue lolling out of his mouth. He loved the country. I, on the other hand, thought it was too quiet. Then again, spend most of your life at the Curtis' house, and you grow used to noise.

"Why'd you send them out here?" I asked tiredly, leaning my head against the cold window.

"Needed them far away," Dally said simply. Of course. Dally was always good at getting people outta trouble.

We pulled up in back of an old church, that looked ready to cave in any minute. I let Killer outta the car, and laughed when he rolled over in the dust.

"Silly dog," I laughed as I clipped his leash on. Didn't need him running off in the middle of no where. Dally lead the way into the church, and I was shocked to see Ponyboy and Johnny lookin' so young and innocent. I knelt down next to Pony and gave him a light shake.

"What the...!" he woke with a jolt. I pulled back, and waited for him to fully wake up, before hugging him tighter than I ever hugged anyone before.

"Sodapop wrote you a letter," Dally said, handing Pony a piece of neatly folded paper. Ponyboy read it silently to himself, before reading it aloud.

_Ponyboy, _

_Well I guess you got into some trouble, huh? Darry and me nearly went nuts when you ran out like that. Darry is awful sorry he hit you. You know he didn't mean it. And then you and Johnny turned up missing and what with that dead kid in the park and Dally getting hauled into the station, well it scared us something awful. The police came by to question all of us and we told them as much as we could. Kaylly looked like she knew somethin' but didn't tell no one anything. I can't believe little old Johnny could kill somebody. I know Dally knows where you are, but you know him. He keeps his trap shut and won't tell me nothing. Darry hasn't got the slightest notion where you're at and it is nearly killing him. I wish you'd come back and turn your selfves in but I guess you can't since Johnny might get hurt. You sure are famous. You got a paragraph in the newspaper even. Take care and say hi to Johnny for us._

_ Sodapop Curtis_

I felt tears slide down my cheek. I knew first hand how hard it was on the guys. Everyone sure was worried about them, and even though Dally kept his trap shut real nice, he couldn't hide it that well. Sodapop knew almost as fast as I did, that Dally knew exactly where they were.

"Golly," Ponyboy muttered. I hugged him again, then went over to Johnny and gave him a huge hug too.

"Boy, you damn near killed us," I joked, messing up his hair. "And here I thought it'd be Dally who finally killed a Soc!"

Dally insisted on getting the guys something to eat, and I didn't object. I crammed in the backseat with Killer, letting the boys ride up front. They both looked so much skinnier, it was scary. I ain't never seen kids look that skinny before, not even the ones who barely ever saw a home cooked meal.

* * *

I must have dozed off, because next thing I knew, Dally was cursing something fierce.

I saw the fire, and gasped, and before we knew it, Ponyboy and Johnny were running towards it. Slamming the door hard, I ran after them, Dally right beside me.

"Damnit!" I hissed when we reached the window. Ponyboy and Johnny were already inside. I pulled myself through, ignoring the hot glass that sliced into the skin of my arm. I covered my mouth with the sleeve of my shirt, and looked around. I spotted them, passing the kids closer to the window.

"Get ready" I told Dally without hesitation. I handed him the first of the screaming children.

"The roof! The roof!" someone outside screamed. I looked up, and saw the roof starting to give way, right as Johnny handed me the last kid. I yelped as hot embers landed on my face. Johnny said something I didn't quite catch, and I didn't stop to figure it out. I grabbed him by the arm, and pulled him forward, nearly throwing him out the window. Dally grabbed him, and slapped the flame from his sleeve.

Finding Ponyboy was harder. One minute he was right behind me, handing kids to Johnny, to hand to me, the next, he was no where to be seen. I cursed and coughed and rooted around, the smoke making it damn near impossible to breathe. I finally found Ponyboy, laying on his back, limp as a sack of potatoes. I pulled him as hard as I could, coughing and wheezing, trying my hardest to get him out.

"Kay! The roof!" Dally barked from outside the window. He was half through it by now, and I had to give him a hard shove to get him back out. His arm was on fire, but he didn't seem to notice. The roof began to make a really awful cracking sound, and I had a choice to make, without any time to consider it. I gave Ponyboy another tug, and pulled him as close as I could, when suddenly, the roof caved in. I rolled out of the way, and felt strong hands hoist me out of the window.

I tried to breathe, but couldn't. I closed my eyes and prayed it was another nightmare. Prayed that I'd wake up and it'd all be over. I guess I blacked out, because next thing I knew, I was jerking awake in an ambulance, someone squeezing my hand tightly. I took a painful breath, and let the darkness of my mind keep the pain away.

* * *

I was admitted and released just as quickly as Johnny. We both suffered only minor burns, though I'd lost 4 inches of hair in the fire. The doctor told me to take it easy for a few days, to let my lungs heal from the fire, but that I was otherwise okay.

"You got lucky," he said as he read over my chart.

"How are my friends?" I asked tiredly.

"The young one, the blonde, he's in surgery right now. The big one's gonna be fine, just a burned arm. Burned it bad, but he'll live. The little one, uh...what's his name..." the doctor said.

"Johnny, Johnny Cade," I filled in for him.

"Johnny's alright. Shaken up, but very alive," he said, putting on one of those horrible doctor smiles.

Johnny and me were sitting out in the waitingroom sharing a smoke when I spotted Darry and Sodapop. I lightly nudged Johnny, who looked up, his eyes wide and full of fear. That kid was never gonna be okay, not after everything he'd been through.

"Where's Pony?" Soda gasped, seeing our burned clothing.

"Still in surgery I reckon," I said with a sigh. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Soda asked, sitting down next to me, his eyes full of tears.

"For not being able to get 'im out in time. The roof, glory, the roof just fell in on us," I sobbed. I felt a hand on my back, and relaxed. I knew it was no good crying, and for the sake of everyone, I sucked it up as quickly as it came. "Doctor said he might be okay, if all goes well," I said putting on a brave face. "Dally's arm got burned up pretty bad, but he's gonna recover jus' fine," I added as an after thought.

"How 'bout you and Johnny? You two okay?" Darry asked warily.

"We're okay," I said, giving Johnny a pat on the back. "Johnny here's lucky he weighs nothin'," I added with a smile.

"How'd it happen?" Soda asked tiredly.

I spent the next hour telling them all I could. By the time the reporters showed up, I was too tired to comply.

"Go away" I mumbled, my head resting on Darry's shoulder.

"We have ques-" the reporter started.

"I ain't answerin' questions tonight," I muttered, my eyes growing heavier by the second.

"I have to ask, what were you thinking, following those three to the fire in the first place? You're small, you couldn't have helped much," she said with a sharp tone to her voice. I looked at her angrily, but said nothing.

"She saved my life," Johnny whispered from beside me. I looked at him, and felt tears welling in my eyes again.

"Ma'am, we stick together. I wasn't thinkin' about myself. I was only thinkin' about getting those kids out," I said tiredly.

Soda took over and kept the crew laughing, while I dozed off. I woke some time later, to a very wet nose pressing against my hand.

"Where'd you get to?" I asked the dog tiredly. I hadn't expected to see him again, since no one thought to get him outta the car back up in Windrixville.

"Someone musta thought to bring him here," Johnny said tiredly from his spot next to me.

"Mmm, glad they did," I murmured, too tired to even try to continue to conversation.

From what I gathered, we were told to go home some time in the middle of the night, because I woke the next morning, on the couch with Sodapop sitting next to me. He looked tired and sad, but forced a smile when he saw I was awake.

"Hey," I said softly, my throat sore. I sat up and itched my arm, which was still caked with ash from the fire.

"We're gonna all go down to the hospital soon, you wanna come?" he asked.

"Yea, let me shower first tho," I said, getting up slowly, trying to wake up more. "Any word on Ponyboy?" I asked.

Soda looked real sad then, and I got real worried. Something wasn't right.

I pushed the thoughts aside and took a shower anyway. I was feeling lousy, and really needed to clean up. I let the hot water sting my skin, and noticed the blackish patches the flaked off. I watched as my hair started to break, leaving crisp strands in the tub. I looked up into the water, letting it soothe the pain from the tiny burns and cuts caused by the falling embers. Once the water started to run cold, I changed into a pair of Soda's jeans and one of his long sleeved shirts. I hadn't had time to wash any of my clothes those last few days, and didn't care that they were a million sizes too big on me.

It was when I was running the brush through my hair, that it hit me. My hair used to be long, almost all the way down my back, now it fell in uneven chunks, no longer than my shoulders. I'd singed more than I thought in the fire. I fluffed it out, and decided to leave it alone. My back hurt, and my hands were still trembling, whether from shock, or exhaustion I wasn't sure.

I sank to the floor beside the bathtub, and let my head rest against the cool surface. I felt tired, scared, and sick to my stomach. Maybe I just needed some time to think. Or maybe my body was finally telling me it was time to get everything out in the open.

I found myself wondering why bad things always happened to us Greasers. Why we got beat, or ended up dead, or got raped or mugged or whatever. What did we do to deserve it? Why did it always happen to us? Not even just us older kids. No. It happened to kids Johnny's age. Kid's as young as Ponyboy.

"You okay in there?" a voice came from the other side of the door. I knew straight off that it was Darry. I said nothing, and didn't even flinch when he pushed the door open, and slowly walked towards me. He was doing it again, acting like I was a wounded animal or something. He'd been like that since the night he hit Pony. Like he was afraid to even touch me.

"Kay?" he asked worriedly.

I said nothing, just stared blankly at the door. I didn't even fully register that he was talking to me at that point. I felt myself trembling, and it scared me, 'cause I couldn't stop.

"She okay?" Soda asked, having heard Darry's concerned tone.

"I don't right know," Darry admitted, kneeling next to me, his hands on my shoulders.

"Move over," Soda told him. Soda sat down next to me, and put an arm around my shoulders. He pulled me close, so my head was resting on his shoulder. I couldn't say anything. It was like someone had sucked all the life outta me. I was shaking and staring blankly, and vaguely felt like a fool. But there was no stopping it.

"It's gonna be okay, Kay, it is," Soda kept saying softly, but I wasn't really comprehending that. I felt eyes watching me and looked up to see Two-Bit standing in the doorway, Steve and Johnny behind him. If you've never seen Two-Bit scared, you couldn't begin to imagine the look on his face. Steve looked sick, and Johnny, well Johnny looked like a kicked puppy.

Two-Bit pushed his way in, and knelt next to me, his eyes glassy. He grabbed my hand and squeezed tightly.

"Everything's gonna be okay, Kay, you'll see," he said real softly. His words didn't make sense. How could everything be okay? Ponyboy might die. Am I the only one who got that? Ponyboy might die! I felt myself shake even worse at that thought. Soda must of too, because he pulled me close again and started rubbing circles in the center of my back, something that used to always calm me down, especially after my mom died.

_I ran to the lot and sank to my knees, my heart racing, tears rolling down my cheeks. She was supposed to have another 6 months. She wasn't supposed to die yet. She was so strong for so long..._

_I heard footsteps coming up behind me, and a firm hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Sodapop staring down at me, his eyes saddening as soon as he saw my expression. Soda must of sensed something was wrong. He was always doing stuff like that, knowing just where to find me, right when I needed him. He sat down on the fold asphalt and pulled me close, his fingers making small circles in my back. Through the sobs, I forced a smile. I felt my heartrate slow and the tears subside. _

"_You're gonna be okay, Kay. She's better off now," he whispered. How he knew she was dead, to this day I'll never know. "She loved you so much," he added._

_I ended up sleeping on their couch that night. Their mom had treated me real nice, and their dad had talked me through all the emotions that were running wild in my brain. God, I loved those people. _

My eyes closed as tears began to roll down my cheeks. Maybe it was stress, or exhaustion, or shock. Or maybe my mind was just tired of staying strong. Maybe I was just tired.

* * *

_A/N;; this chapter, nearly killed me to write. I must have rewrote it a dozen times, before finally piecing it together. The first time through, it was so rushed, it was like 3 chapters in one. So I revised, and realized it was over 3,000 words! Super long chapter, but it shows a different side of things, in a way. Don't worry, the next chapter is the hospital scene, and NO! I didn't cut the rumble out! :) Thanks to those who have given feedback, it really makes a difference! I know, 4 chapters in 2 days?! Haha, when the creative juices start flowing, I just can't help but put them up! As always, feedback is greatly appreciated! I can't wait to hear what you all think, so matter how nice or how harsh it is!  
_


	5. Chapter 4

I ended up snapping out of my slump when Johnny closed the bathroom door to muffle the sounds of Soda and Darry debating who would end up staying with me, when they went to the hospital to see Ponyboy. Johnny tossed me a cigarette, which I lit thankfully, even though I knew Darry would have a cow that we were smoking in the bathroom.

"You know you gotta come with us," Johnny said softly, his voice barely audible.

"I never said I wasn't," I said slowly, my throat dry from crying.

"I know. But you're the only one who can get them to let us all in at once to see Ponyboy," he rephrased. He was right about that. I was also the reason we had a fully stocked first aid kit, no matter what the damage. Having spent a good portion of my life at the hospital with my mom when I was younger, I was well known, and for the most part, well liked amongst the nurses. The general rule when someone was in the hospital, was direct family only. I always managed to get the whole gang in. I pushed myself up from my spot on the floor and stretched.

"C'mon, let's go tell the gang to get ready. It's already almost noon," I said, pulling Johnny with me.

Johnny might have always been a quiet kid, but he was a good kid non-the less. He was always the one who got through, prolly because he never talked much.

"Stop arguing," I said half heartedly as I walked into the kitchen. Both Soda and Darry turned and looked like they were shocked to see me standing there. "C'mon, let's get to the hospital. There's a rumble tonight, and I don't want to spend the whole day looking at white walls," I added. It was no secret that I hated hospitals with a burning passion. I might have been on good terms with the nurses, and the doctors might have known me by name, but it wasn't my favorite place to be, and sure as hell wasn't where I wanted to spend my whole afternoon.

In the back of my mind, I was wondering why the cops hadn't come for Johnny yet though. Maybe they were waiting to see if Ponyboy would recover? I didn't voice my thoughts, but that didn't make me stop having them.

We piled into Darry's pickup, again with the debate of who was sitting in front, who was riding in back. I told Johnny to take the front, because it was still cold, and he looked tired enough as it was. Riding in the back was never fun with the cold wind hitting you, but I liked it better that way.

In the end, me, Two-Bit and Steve rode in the back, Darry, Soda and Johnny up front.

* * *

Once at the hospital, I spoke with the nurse I knew was assigned to Ponyboy. She was a nice enough woman, but she didn't like the idea of six people piling in his room at once. Something about that told me that things weren't good. So I asked her if Darry and Soda could go in first, and the rest of us could go see Dally. She said that was fine.

"I wanted to see Ponyboy," Two-Bit pouted. Something about a Greaser pouting made me laugh.

"We'll go in after we're done with Dally. Give his brothers some time to see him," I said softly. I pushed open Dally's door, and smiled at the grouchy expression on his face.

"Got a weed?" he asked straight away. I threw him one, then shook my head.

"You hate this place more than I do," I said.

"I hate it. Two-Bit, you still got that switch?" he asked, looking at Two-Bit. Steve stood against the wall, looking angry, but I ignored him. Steve was always angry these days.

"Yeah, why?" Two-Bit asked.

"Lemme see it," Dally said. Two-Bit handed over his prized black handled switch blade without a second thought.

"I'm gonna be at the rumble tonight, one way or another," Dally said. He looked at Johnny then, a smile crossing his face. "Hey kid,"

"Hey," Johnny said. I smiled and left the room. As much of a brother Dally was to me, I wasn't the least bit worried about him. Dally was prolly the toughest of the gang, 'cept maybe Darry.

The nurse nodded towards Ponyboy's room when she saw me. Her eyes looked sad. That scared me. Nurses on this floor were normally always smiling, because they had to keep all the family calm. The fact that she wasn't, make me real scared.

I walked into Ponyboy's room, and gasped.

I leaned against the wall, unable to comprehend the sight before me. Ponyboy looked so small and frail, hooked to machines that I knew all too well. I didn't know if the doctors told Darry and Sodapop, but I knew that this wasn't good. His eyes were closed and a tube was shoved down his throat, clearly breathing for him. I looked at the heart monitor, and flinched every time it beeped.

"Kay," Darry said, now seeing me standing there. "How bad is it?"

"Did..." my voice stuck in my throat, "Did the doctor talk to you?"

"Not yet," he said, tears rimming his icy blue eyes.

I took a step forward, my heart pounding in my chest. I might not have graduated, but I spent a lot of my younger years reading my mom's chart, and knew a little about how they would be worded. I flipped through Ponyboy's chart, and felt like my chest was going to explode.

"It's not good," I whispered.

"Kaylly, what did we tell you about reading charts?" a strong voice said behind me. I turned to see a very familiar face. It was Doctor James, a doctor who had patched me up more than once. He was the doctor who treated me when I had a really bad case of the flu a few years ago.

"I couldn't help it," I said sadly. "You know I'm nosy."

"You are. Now get. I need to speak with Ponyboy's brothers," he said, shooing me out of the room.

The gang was waiting in the waitingroom when I came out. Steve jumped to his feet right away, so I guessed the shock was written all over my face.

"How bad is he?" he asked.

I said nothing, and kept walking. I turned the corner and slammed open Dally's door. He jumped, then looked at me, eyes wide.

"How's Pony?" he asked. His eyes widened when he saw my expression. "That bad?"

I sank to the floor against the wall, breathing heavy. I pressed my eyes shut and counted backwards. I felt my body trembling, but continued to count, letting my breathing regulate. I opened my eyes when I felt Dally grab hold of my arm.

"How bad?" he asked.

"Real bad, Dally. Real bad," I whispered.

* * *

I blanked out the rest of the hospital visit. I locked myself away in my mind, and stayed there until we were back at the house. I changed into my black jeans and a tight fitting t-shirt before turning to the gang.

"Tonight's for Ponyboy," I said suddenly. Everyone looked at me, then nodded in unison. Tonight, we'd fight for our brother.

The rumble was set for 7 that night. We ate dinner in silence, no one really hungry enough to eat. Despite how bad off Pony was, everyone was jazzed for the rumble by 5. Soda and Steve were playing poker in the livingroom, and Two-Bit was watching Mickey Mouse on the TV. Darry was cleaning the kitchen, and Johnny and I were passing cigarettes back and forth.

I realized then, that I hadn't seen Killer all day. I got up and walked out the back door, and nearly fell over when Killer bounced into my arms, his fur wet and muddy.

"Jeez Killer!" I yelped, his cold fur brushing my bare arms. I pulled him inside and grabbed a towel from the hamper, drying him off as best I could.

"Hey Kay?" Steve asked suddenly, looking right at me.

"Yeah?" I asked, still rubbing Killer's coat.

"What is it with that dog? You never leave him behind," he asked.

"I found 'im on the streets late one night, four years ago. It was 'bout 6 months after my mom died, and he was just a little pup. He had blood all over him, so I figured he was in a fight or somethin'. Him and me been buddies ever since. Darry's mom patched him up for me when I brought him in. Golly, I still remember that night. She wasn't thrilled about another mouth to feed," I laughed, rubbing behind Killer's ear. "I ain't ever thought to leave him no where. He's mean. Real good around people he knows, but a hell of a bite if you make him mad," I added, before walking over to Steve, where I showed him the scar on my right arm. "Got me good one night, when I came in smelling like booze,"

"He don't like booze, huh?" Two-Bit laughed from the couch.

"No. He don't." I said simply.

I looked at the clock and sighed. I wasn't feelin' top notch, and I knew Johnny wasn't neither, but we never showed weakness before a rumble. Or anytime for that matter. I went over and ruffled his hair, before grabbing a thin jacket off the top of my bag. No one ever wore jackets to rumbles, never needed to, no one ever got cold, but for some reason, I was freezing, and I wasn't about to get sick all over again. So I pulled it on and rubbed my arms, shivering at the thought of the rumble.

Ever since Johnny killed that Soc, it'd been all out war. Tonight, we hoped things would be settled, but I sure as heck doubted it. Socs were mean people. They didn't stop at nothing. I took a deep breath, and nodded to myself. Normally, I held back in rumbles, never getting up in the middle of things, because I was just barely Johnny's size, and a girl, so it was hard to keep up. But I always teamed up with Pony and Johnny. Tonight, we'd be a man short, and it scared me something fierce.

* * *

_AN;; Not my best chapter, by any means. I hate writing hospital scenes because they're always sad, so it's a little choppy, but I hope you all liked it anyway! As always, feedback is awesome! :)  
_


	6. Chapter 5

"I think you and Johnny should sit this one out," Darry said after he finished the dishes. I saw a scared look in his eyes, a look you rarely ever seen.

"No way. We're down numbers as it is," I said tiredly. "Curly's in the cooler, and we don't have Ponyboy, and from what I heard, we might be a few more short," I said pulling what was left of my hair into a messy ponytail. "Anyways, you know me and Johnny are good in a fight," I added, slinging an arm around Johnny's shoulders.

"Yeah, but you've been a wreck since you got back," Darry commented.

"She's just tense, Darry. And she's right, we need the numbers," Soda said from his spot at the table. "Anyway, me and Steve'll keep our eyes out for 'em," he added, nodding at Steve, who nodded.

That settled it. Darry knew we needed numbers, and he knew that I was in a rough mood, that no one would keep me home.

I hadn't noticed that Two-Bit had left until he came in and tossed a six pack on the couch. I looked at the clock again, and saw it was almost 7. We all hooted and hollered as we ran out of the house.

Normally we were more jazzed for a rumble, but I think what with Pony and everything, everyone just wanted it to be over. We made it to the lot just as Shepherd's gang showed up, and I looked around warily. We had locked Killer in Darry's room before we left, but I knew the dog would find a way out if he wanted to bad enough, he'd managed to before.

"What's up?" Johnny asked me when he saw me looking around.

"Something just feels off about this," I said softly, not wanting to worry him.

After the Socs showed up, there was that silent moment where Darry and Paul circled one another. That silent moment always gave me chills. Because rumbles, no matter how safe we played, always ended up messy. I had checked the first aid kit earlier, and knew that we had everything we'd need, but it still bugged me.

"Wait!" a voice came from behind. I didn't turn, I knew it was Dally. I knew his voice better than my own. But Darry did turn, and that gave Paul time to punch him square in the jaw. The rumble started so quick, it's a wonder we all had time to think.

I grabbed hold on a Soc that looked all too familiar, and flung him to the ground. Mud splashed my face as he grabbed for my hair, but didn't get hold of it. I planted a firm kick to his ribs and spun away, as he grabbed hold on my arm and threw me to the ground. I caught sight of Dally and Johnny doubling up on a Soc and then turned my attention back to the one trying to claw my face. It was actually comical. A guy trying to claw my face. Go figure. I rolled out from under him, and for a few moments, we were rollin' around in the mud like idiots, until he dug his fingers into the worse of the burns I had. I let out a howl, and turned my head, biting into the flesh of his arm. He rolled off me and looked stunned. I got to my feet and ran full speed, knocking him down painfully. He went still under me and I rolled away, taking on another guy who had seen what just went on.

I was tired before I knew what was happening. The Soc grabbed me hard and threw me against the ground, knocking the wind outta me. Luckily, Soda was keeping to his word, and tackled him – giving me half a second to get to my feet.

"They're running!" Someone called out. We all looked as the Socs ran back to their cars. That was when the shouts of victory rang out. We all let out happy cries and looked at one another, excited.

Back at the house, I was patching up Steve's ribs when I noticed we were two short. Dally and Johnny hadn't followed us back to the house, but I didn't think anything of it. I'd been keeping an eye on Johnny and he wasn't too bad off. I figured they were off somewhere.

"Ouch," Steve moaned as I placed the bandage on his side. His face was pale, tired, and pained.

"Sorry," I muttered, my hands shaking worse than they normally did.

"He okay?" Soda asked from his spot in the armchair. He was icing his hand, which was turning a nasty black and blue color.

"Few cracked ribs, but he'll be fine," I said, handing Steve a glass of water.

"Come here," Two-Bit said after I was done with Steve. He had a nasty gash across his face, which definitely looked like it needed stitches.

"Hold still," I said as I pressed a rag to the cut. He flinched, but smiled his goofy smile. I pulled out a needle and thread, and began stitching him up. He was a trooper for sure, because I knew how bad it hurt to get stitches on your face, it sure wasn't no walk in the park.

"How's your head?" Soda asked me.

"Fine," I said, itching the small cut. "Don't need no stitches," I added. Even if it had, I wouldn't have gotten them. I don't like needles, much less havin' them stuck in my head.

I walked over to Darry, who was nursing his sprained wrist. I hadn't seen him take a fall, but I guess he did at some point. I grabbed more ice from the freezer, and wrapped it in a towel, pressing it lightly to his hand. He didn't flinch, but I saw pain flash through his eyes. I gingerly moved his hand, and felt for any fractures. He seemed alright, but I knew his wrist would be killin' him in the morning.

"You're bleeding," he said softly, pointing at my arm. I had discarded the jacket the moment we were back in the house, but had yet tended to my own wounds.

"Yea, Socy decided to dig the burn. I'll live," I said, grabbing a clean rag from the counter. I tied it around the bleeding wound and flinched when Darry tied a strip of cloth to keep it in place.

"How bad's it hurt?" he asked.

"Not as bad as my head," I said honestly. I had one hell of a headache, and was dying just to lay down.

"Go kick Steve off the couch?" he suggested with a half hearted laugh.

"Naw, I'm good," I said with a yawn.

"Right," he said with a soft laugh that brought a smile to my lips. See, as cold as Darry seemed, he really wasn't. He was a real nice guy and had a huge heart, just like Sodapop. But having for grow up so fast made him hard, not cold. No matter what Ponyboy thought, that man loved him to bits.

"Anyone see where Dally and Johnny went?" Two-Bit asked.

"Probably the hospital to see -," Steve started, then stopped when he saw them walk through the door. Johnny was as pale as a sheet and Dally looked ready to kill someone. I looked at the pair, then sank to the floor, suddenly feeling the effects of the last week, and the rumble, hit me all at once.

"How's Ponyboy?" I asked them. By the look on Johnny's face, I knew that's where they were.

"Not good," Dally said, his voice too soft. I looked up, and saw angry tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "Not good," he said again.

I heard Soda moan, and it took all I had to get up and go over to him. I sat on the floor at his feet, and patted his leg softly.

"He's gonna pull through," I said softly, then looked at the gang of tired lookin' guys. "He's going to pull through," I said louder, firmer.

"He's got to," Johnny whispered. "We can't get on without 'im."

"Damn right," Darry said angrily. I saw a look of pain in his eyes.

"He's gonna be okay, Darry, I promise," I said, though I knew it was a promise I couldn't keep. I couldn't see the future, I couldn't keep Ponyboy here, as bad as I wanted to. "He's gonna be just fine, we all are."

"There's still the hearing," Johnny reminded me. "What about that?"

"You saved those kids, Johnnycakes. They can't put you away for self defense anyways," I said. Dally gave me a look when I said that, because he knew straight out that they could. Johnny was a Greaser, Greasers always got the shit end of the deal.

Killer let out a soft whine, and I remembered that he was still locked in Darry's room. I let out a soft groan as I stood, swaying, and made a weak attempt to walk to the back of the house. I winded up on the floor outside Darry's room, laughing like an idiot.

"What's with her?" I heard Dally ask.

"She got hit in the head, who knows," Steve chuckled. I pulled myself up and opened the door. Killer darted out, his tail wagging a mile a minute. I rubbed his back, and sank to the floor again, completely comfortable.

"I'm tired," I said to no one in particular. I felt someone put a blanket over me, then felt a cold nose press against my forehead. I smiled stupidly to myself, and let sleep take over, I was far too tired to even try and move, let alone make it to a bed.

"Let 'er sleep," I heard someone say as footsteps made their way past me. Someone shifted me so I was laying down, and I felt a soft pillow slide under my head. I took a deep breath, and let sleep take over completely.


	7. Chapter 6

"_I can't believe she's letting you babysit," I mom kidded, as I held a tiny baby boy in my arms. The little dirty blonde, gray eyed toddler looked up at me, a silly smile playing on his lips._

"_Well she's got her hands full with Sodapop, him having the flu and all, and Mr. Curtis is at work, and Darry's at school, so someone had to watch this little guy," I said with a huge smile on my face. I was only about 8 at the time, but Mrs. Curtis was letting me watch two year old Ponyboy, with the help of my older brother, who was 10. She had asked us to bring him over to our house, so he wouldn't get sick too. _

"_He sure is cute," my mom cooed, taking Ponyboy from my arms. "And he's getting so big!" _

"_Mom, when are you gonna have the baby?" I asked her, my eyes wide with excitement._

"_Anyday now, Kaykay. Any day," she said, bouncing Ponyboy on her lap. "How long are you babysitting for?" she asked._

"_Until Mr. Curtis comes and gets him, I think," I said with a huge smile. I had been around babies most of my life, especially after my mom had Tommy and Tyler. Timmy came into the bedroom and smiled. _

"_He's gonna be one smart kid," he said, pointing at Ponyboy, who waved with his tiny hands._

_My mom had my youngest brother that night – Riley Micheal. _

…

"_You're gonna get it, Greaser!" Blood. Blood everywhere._

"Easy, easy," a voice kept saying. I jerked awake, screaming bloody murder. I lashed out, and felt two pairs of strong hands pin me down. It took a minute for my vision to clear, and when it did, I realized it was just Darry and Two-Bit.

"You good?" Two-Bit asked. He plastered a funny smile on his face and I nodded, wiggling under their hands. They both let go at the same time, and I rolled over, my back stiff from sleeping on the floor.

"Nightmare?" Darry asked with a yawn. It wasn't the first time.

"Yeah, but this time it was weird," I said truthfully.

"What was it about?" Two-Bit asked. The first time I had a nightmare, I had been sleeping at his place, and nearly scared his mom to death when I woke up screaming.

"Ponyboy, the time Sodapop had the flu, and my family was watching him," I said, looking at Darry. He smiled knowingly. Our friendship sorta started that day.

"That doesn't sound like a nightmare, what'd he do, spit up on you?" Two-Bit laughed.

"No, nothing like that. It went from being...I don't even remember!" I yelped. I blinked and thought about it, but all I remembered was the blood.

"You need more sleep, kiddo," Darry scolded.

"No, I need one of Soda's famous backrubs!" I laughed. My back was killing me.

"Good thing all your yappin' woke me up," Soda mumbled, walking across the hall to where I was sitting.

"Sorry," I smiled. He laughed and sat down next to me.

"Why'd you sleep on the floor anyway?" he asked. Darry laughed at that, and reminded us both how I fell asleep there after the rumble.

"What time is it anyway?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"A little after 7," Darry said, glancing at the clock. Soda pulled me to my feet, and Two-Bit fetched my bag from the livingroom. Naturally, he ended up dropping it, causing all it's contents to fall out onto the floor. Soda turned a bright shade of red when he picked up my female products. I snatched them outta his hand and laughed.

"Oh c'mon, what'd you expect?" I teased, tossing them back into my bag.

"Uhm," he studdered. I gave him a playful slap on the shoulder, then made my way to the bathroom. Boy, I needed a hot shower.

I happened to realize then that it was weird that I was late, but it being just a few days off didn't surprise me much. I ignored that bit of information and carried on. After getting dressed and doing what little I could with my hair, I joined Two-Bit, Soda, and Darry in the kitchen.

"Where's the rest of the gang?" I asked. It was rare for them not to have crashed at the house.

"Steve had to work, and Dally and Johnny left before we woke up," Two-Bit said. He handed me a plate of eggs, which I toyed with, not really hungry.

That got Darry's attention though. "Eat," he ordered. I looked up at him and sighed, forcing myself to eat a bite. When he wasn't looking, I lowered the plate to the floor, letting Killer quickly lap up the scrambled eggs. I normally loved Darry's cooking, but I wasn't feeling too hot, and definitely wasn't hungry.

"You make any coffee?" I asked when I placed the plate quietly in the sink. Darry handed me a cup and frowned.

"Did you just feed the dog your breakfast?" he scolded.

"Of course not," I said with a serious look on my face. Two-Bit's snickering gave me away. I laughed and nodded, taking a sip of the hot coffee. "I'm not hungry, Darry," I said innocently.

"You better eat at some point," he scolded.

"Promise," I said, crossing my heart. I looked at the clock and cursed.

"What?" Soda asked with a mouthful of food.

"I'm late for work, again," I moaned. I hadn't been to work in over a week, and my boss said he'd fire me if I didn't show up on time.

"Need a ride?" Darry asked.

"Naw, I'll walk. Mind if I lock Killer in your room again?" I asked. Normally, Dally or Johnny took the dog during the day, but since I was late as it was, I didn't have time to hunt them down.

"You sure you wanna walk?" Soda asked, taking Killer by the collar. I gave him a funny look, but nodded.

"Just send someone over during my lunch break, I wanna know how Ponyboy's doing," I said as I grabbed my jacket from the couch. "Oh, and tell 'im if he gets better soon, he can have free food at the Shack whenever he wants," I added. David normally let me feed the gang for free anyway, but I rarely took advantage of it, because it felt like charity, and I hated charity.

"You want me to send Steve by on his way back from work to get you?" Soda asked as I was halfway out the door.

"I don't get off till 8. 9 if David needs me to clean up. I'll call ya if I need a ride," I said. It was Sunday, and since I'd missed that week of work, David was doubling my shift, giving me the 7 to 9 shift, instead of my normal 1 to 9. It was already 9:30 in the morning, and I knew I was in for it when I got to work, but I'd figure something out. David was fairly laid back, and never really hollered about me being late. The worst he did was cut my pay. Which I didn't care about anymore. I made a mental note to pay Darry my rent when I got off tho, even tho he'd tell me not to bother. See I was never really working for myself. First to pay the bills at home, then to cover the kids and pay whoever I was stayin' with. Now that I spent most of my time crashin' at the Curtis', I always made sure to pay what I could. Even though Soda and Darry both told me time and time again, not to, I did anyway. At the very least, it went to get food or new clothes.

When I walked into work at 10, David chewed me out for being 3 hours late. He seemed ready to fire me, until I cut him off and said,

"You've seen the news, David. My brother's real bad off. I'm sorry that I didn't get here on time, it won't happen again, sir," I said. He knew Ponyboy wasn't my actual brother, but he also knew how close I was to the family, and never used it against me.

"Fine. Get to work," he grumbled, walking off, probably to call his wife, who hated me.

The long hours passed in a haze. I hated my job, but worked hard. I waited tables, and ignored the comments that were thrown my way, even though every now and then I caught David's eyes widen at what was said. I took a late lunch at 4, and walked outside to smoke a cigarette. Normally, I'd have walked down to the DX and bought a coke, and watched Steve and Soda work on the cars, because the smell of car oil and mechanics always relaxed me, but not that day. That day, all I wanted was to be alone with my thoughts.

I realized then, that none of the gang bothered to stop by and update me on Ponyboy. I thought nothing of it tho, because aside from maybe Johnny, who'd never walk down to the Shack alone, and Darry, who was probably still with Ponyboy, all the guys were pretty scatterbrained.

After smoking my last cigarette, I walked back inside, and washed my hands before returning to my job. The rest of the day seemed to drag by, no matter how slowly I worked. By 7, I was tired and irritated, and just wanted to leave.

The Shack was empty by 7:30, nothing unusual about that either, it was Sunday night, most people had work or school in the morning. I took the time to check the schedule, and smiled when I saw "Whenever" next to my name. That meant David had no plans to force me into work the next two days.

I jumped when the little bell on the door rang. Though we were still technically open, it was rare for anyone to come in after the dinner rush.

"Kay, you gotta come home, now," a voice called. I walked around the counter, to see a very pale faced Steve.

"What happened?" I asked, already taking my apron off.

"It's Ponyboy."


	8. Chapter 7

I didn't ask questions. I tossed my apron on the counter and turned the sign to closed as I left. I knew David was in the back, but hoped he had common sense to realize I left. I raced to Steve's car and slammed his door open with so much force, he flinched.

"Sorry," I mumbled, then looked at his expression. "What happened?" I practically shouted.

"I...I," he couldn't talk. Instead, he sped the short distance from the Shack to the house. I jumped out of the car while it was still moving, and nearly broke my ankle in the process. Running full speed, I slammed through the front door, and gasped.

You never see Darry crying. Never. And you'll never in a million years see Dally looking frightened. But when I walked through that door, that was what I saw.

"What in gods name happened?" I demanded, shaking, both with fear and frustration.

"Ponyboy...he died," Johnny sniffled from the couch. "We were down there, visitin' him, and he just stopped breathing."

I pressed my eyes shut and took a shaking breath. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I felt as if the floor had given way under me. I fell to my knees hard, but I didn't feel it. Steve laid a hand on my shoulder, and muffled a sob.

The house was silent that night. No one was able to talk, and we barely moved even. I ended up sitting alone in Darry's room, Killer pressed next to me, tears rolling down my chin. I couldn't stop crying, no matter how many times I tried.

I remembered what the doctor had said the last time I saw Ponyboy, when I was leaving and he stopped me.

"It doesn't look god, Kaylly. I've told his brothers, but they refuse to hear it. We haven't been able to stabilize him, and there's not much else we can do. You got to prepare his brothers, they got to realize that Ponyboy is in real bad shape."

"He'll make it, he's a fighter," I said strongly.

"So was your mother," he said, with a sad shake of his head.

Those words haunted me now. Could I have prepared them for losing their baby brother? How do you prepare someone for that? At least when my mom got sick, we knew everyday was a gift. How do you prepare two boys to lose their brother, when they already lost so much?

"Move over," a voice came in the dark. I hadn't turned the light on, and was laying next to Killer in the pitch blackness. I slid over, Killer now practically on top of me. I felt someone lay down, and figured it was Darry.

"This is all my fault," he moaned. I turned the light on when he said that. He was fighting back tears.

"No it ain't," I said sternly.

"I hit 'im Kaylly. If I never hit him, he woulda been home, not out in Windrixville," he moaned.

"Darrel Shaynne Curtis, don't make me slap you. You did not make Ponyboy go back into that church, shit, you didn't make Johnnycakes kill that Soc. It is not your fault!" I practically yelled. Then my eyes softened as I pulled myself closer, and let my head rest on his arm. He was sobbing silently. I looked into the sad blue eyes, and added "Ponyboy knew you loved him. No one blames you, for what you did."

He nodded sadly and pressed his eyes shut. I looked up when Steve whispered my name. I got up slowly, and followed him out of the room. Killer curled up where I had been laying and licked the tears from Darry's cheeks. I closed the door quietly behind me, and followed Steve into the kitchen.

"How's Darry?" he asked. He looked exhausted, angry, and an emotion I just couldn't describe.

"Hurt, blamin' himself," I said as I took a beer from the fridge. I tossed one to him and opened one for myself. I could have gone for something a little harder, but since beer was all we had, I settled for it.

"It's his fault, you know," Steve said bitterly. I was ready to hit him for that, but didn't, because I knew Steve could break my neck with little to no effort.

"It's not. Steve, it's no one's fault!" I said softly but sharply.

"He shouldn't have hit the kid! Damnit, we all see what it does to Johnnycakes, why the fuck did he have to hit Ponyboy?" Steve yelled.

"Shut up!" I screamed, throwing Steve against the wall. "Shut up, or get out!"

Steve wheeled away from me and stormed out of the back door, letting it slam loudly. I growled softly, before walking into the livingroom, where Dally was leaning heavily against the wall, watching Johnny. Two-Bit was no where in sight, and I assumed Soda had went to his own room.

"You okay, Johnny?" I asked softly. He looked up at me, his eyes rimmed with tears. He shook his head and started to sob. I went and sat next to him, and held him close, letting his tears soak into the shoulder of my shirt.

"Everything's gonna be okay," I whispered, my eyes locked on Dally. For the first time in a long time, I needed Dally to act like a brother, instead of just a rebellious punk. Dally seemed to sense that, and sat down next to me, nodding.

"Everything's gonna be fine," he said, but his voice didn't sound convinced. I stood up and walked to the door, my heart pounding in my chest. I spun suddenly, hearing a growl coming from the backdoor. I walked towards the sound, and saw Killer standing, fur risen, frothing at the mouth, eyes locked on the backdoor. I grabbed my switch from the counter, where I had let it fall the night before, and opened the door. Killer darted out of it, barking loudly, his thick coat flying in the wind. I chased after him, not entirely sure where he was leading me.

We weaved through our side of town, up and down streets, looking mighty crazy. Finally, Killer darted to a stop, his ears perked, listening. I listened too. I heard a low moan, and Killer took off in the direction it came from. I dimly realized we were at the park. I hadn't been there since the killing. Killer went over to a bush and whined, tail between his legs. I followed up slowly, my blade tightly gripped in my hand.

Lying in a heap of blood was a kid that couldn't have been older than 14 or 15. I knelt down and rolled him over, and was nearly sick when I saw the state he was in. He was cut up pretty bad, but very much alive.

"Don't hurt me," he moaned. I looked him over, and realized he was a Soc. Any other night, I would have let him suffer. But something was wrong about this. Killer normally didn't react to things like this, unless it's one of ours.

"Who did this to you?" I asked the kid, wiping blood from his face. He whimpered and looked around, his eyes showing nothing but fear.

"H-he had messy curls in his hair," the kid whispered. I knew at once, that he had to have been referring to Steve.

"You got any friends that can come pick you up?" I asked. He shook his head. "A'right, I'll be right back, I gotta go get the car," I sighed. I left Killer with him. For whatever reason, the damn dog wanted me to help this kid.

When I got back to the house, I had to explain what had happened to Dally, who had no problem taking Darry's keys off the table. He told Johnny to cover for us. It surprised me, because no one hated the Socs more than Dally did.

"Why are we helping this kid?" he asked as he drove down the quiet streets.

"Because my damn dog won't leave 'is side," I explained. "Plus Steve had no right jumpin' him he's just a kid," I added, feeling pretty lousy about the whole thing.

"Stop here," I said and jumped outta the car. I let out three short whistles, and listened. A howl came in reply. I followed the noise, and found Killer spread out next to the kid. Dally came up behind me and swore. The kid was shivering, and paler than snow.

"Hey kid?" I called softly, kneeling next to him. He opened his eyes. "Where you want us to take ya?"

"M-my house's too far aways. I-if you drop me at the hospital, I'll call my folks," he whimpered. I nodded, then thought of something.

"You aren't gonna press charges or nothin' right?" I asked worriedly.

"I-I ain't know his name, and you're helpin' me, so no," he muttered. I nodded and had to take his word for it. For the life of me, I didn't know why I was helping a Soc, and Dally looked wary, but I guess he was trusting me instincts.

"Killer, back up," I told the dog, but he simply growled in response. "Dog, move, it's freezing!" I growled, shoving him back. Dally and I carried the kid to the car, and I quickly laid a blanket over the back seat. Last thing we needed was blood in the car. I nodded at Dally, and said

"Take the kid to the hospital. I'll meet you there,"

"No way, you drive 'im there. If I go, they'll think I had something to do with it,"he argued. He had a point.

"Fine, go take my dog home," I said instead and took the keys from him.

I drove quickly. When I got to the hospital, I told the nurse that I found him in the park, and didn't know anything else. She looked at me suspiciously, but took over.

The drive home seemed too long. I pulled up in the driveway, and yelped when Darry came out and nearly shoved me to the ground.

"Why'd you take my car to help a Soc?" he barked. I pushed him off and walked into the house. Killer greeted me with a wet lick to the hand.

"Because we can't go 'round jumpin' kids. That's why. Did Steve show up yet?" I asked. Soda was sitting on the couch, looking beside himself with grief.

"No," he said softly.

"Sodapop, any idea where he ran off to? I really need to talk to him," I said gently.

"You try his house?" Dally asked from the doorway.

"Yea, he ain't home," I said. I'd checked on the way back.

"Prolly blowin' off steam somewhere," Soda said sadly.

"God help me, if I have to clean up 'nother one of his messes tonight," I growled. Killer barked and ran to the front door as it opened. Sure enough, Steve walked in, blood on the front of his shirt.

"Damnit Steve," I hissed. He looked sad. Not angry, just sad.

"You helped the kid, didn't you?" he asked.

"Yeah. Damn dog tracked 'im down. What were you thinkin'?" I asked tiredly.

"I wasn't. I'm just mad. Pony ain't deserved to die like that, ya know?" he said. He plopped down on the couch and looked at his hands miserably.

"I know, but c'mon, you can't go jumpin' every Soc you see, 'specially not kids," I said, kneeling at his side, inspecting his hand. Aside from a small cut, he was fine.

He said nothing after that, just stared hopelessly at the floor.

That night seemed to drag on forever. I ended up falling asleep around five.

* * *

"Hey, Kaylly?" a voice woke me up what seemed like only minutes later.

"Mm?" I asked, still half asleep.

"Have you seen Sodapop?" I couldn't place the voice, but pointed in the general direction of the couch.

"He ain't here," the voice said. That sure as heck woke me up. I sat up and saw Steve looking down at me. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I got up and looked for Killer. He was no where in sight.

"He took the dog, wherever he went," I stated. That got my mind racin' tho. No one took Killer, aside from maybe Dally or Johnny, because Killer could be a very viscous dog when he got riled up. I grabbed my coat from the back of the couch and ran outside.

"Where you thinkin' he's at?" Steve asked, running beside me.

"Park, or lot, or somewhere else my dog can go," I said, slowing down as we neared the lot. It was empty, except for a pack of stray cats eating what looked like a dead bird. I let out three sharp whistles and listened. Nothing.

"Where could he have gotten off to," I wondered aloud.

"The park?" Steve suggested.

"Unlikely. Wait a minute," I thought about it. "His parents," I said suddenly, as a thought dawned on me.

I turned and ran back to the house. The cemetery was a long walk from the house, so I decided to take the truck. Grabbing the keys off the table, I glanced towards Darry's room. The door was closed, but I knew the sound of the truck starting up would wake him. Dally, Johnny and Two-Bit were no where in sight, so either they all went their own ways before we woke up, or they were with Sodapop, which seemed unlikely.

Even though I was eager to find Soda, I drove slow, watching the yards as we passed them. I pulled up in front of the cemetery, and got out.

"Why aren't you driving through?" Steve asked, coming up next to me.

"Because there's only two plots here we'd find Sodapop at, and it's easier to walk to 'em," I explained.

I walked through the headstones, and stopped at my mother's. I knelt down and placed my hand on the soft earth beneath me. The plot was covered with weeds and only dead flowers covered it. I normally visited her plot once a year, but the family used to visit it often. I looked at the smaller plot next it, and read the name, sadness flooding through me. It was my baby sister's grave. I took a deep breath, then took of the pure gold locket my mother had given me the day Little Jenny was born. With a soft kiss to the chain, I laid the locket on my sister's grave.

"I'm so sorry, baby," I whispered then stood. I hadn't realized that Steve had moved up a few plots, giving me a moment with my family.

I caught up and pointed. "Just past the tree."

We walked slowly, listening while we walked. I heard a low whine, and walked in that direction. With one short whistle, I saw Killer bounding towards me.

"Hey boy," I murmured, grabbing hold of his collar. His body was caked with mud, and I couldn't begin to imagine where he'd spent the night.

Walking a little quicker, the graves came into sight, Sodapop sitting in front of them, his head in his hands.

"Sodapop," I called softly, letting go of Killer's collar. He ran over to Sodapop, and sat down next to him. I always knew that Killer was a loyal dog, but I'd never seen him so protective before. "Soda?"

He looked up, his eyes red, tired, and swollen from crying. He waved us over, and we joined him. A shiver ran up my spine when I looked at the headstones. I knelt down, and placed a hand on his mother's stone, tears welling in my eyes.

"We miss you," I whispered so softly, no one could hear.

"I can't believe he's gone, just like mom and dad," Soda whispered, reaching for me, nearly scaring me to death.

"I know, Sodapop, I know," I whispered softly, giving him a tight hug. Steve was looking at his feet, kicking tiny pebbles.

"Let's go home," I said loud enough for them both to hear. Killer stood up and stretched, then let out a soft bark, before darting off. I followed where he went with my eyes, and smiled softly when I saw him sit down on my sister's grave. He dug a little, then picked something up and dropped it, before covering it up. I knew, in my heart, that he had covered the locket, so it'd be with my sister forever.

"It's too sad here," I added as I helped Soda to his feet. Together, the three of us walked back to the car, just as the sun rose above the trees.

* * *

_A/N;; I cried when writing this chapter. I know no one wanted me to kill off Ponyboy, but it was a random draw between him and Johnny, way back when I first started this story, and it ended up being Ponyboy. This chapter broke my heart though, because there were so many emotions, and those emotions were so hard to write, because we never really saw the gang break. Sure, when Johnny and Dally died in the book, we saw the emotion through Ponyboy's eyes, but not enough to really grasp it. So I had to soften a couple characters up._

_And yes, I realize how totally ooc, and random Dally and Kaylly helping that Soc was, but trust me, it plays a huge role with how the story ends up.  
_

_Thanks for the reviews guys! I love reading your feedback!  
_


	9. Chapter 8

The hearing for Bob's murder was scheduled for the day after Ponyboy's funeral. As hard as we tried to get the date changed, they weren't having it. Johnny was real messed up over it, but there was nothing any of us could do.

It was a gray morning when we all gathered in the Curtis's livingroom, dressed in black. Except Two-Bit, who arrived wearing gray. Said he couldn't find a black suit for the occasion. I had borrowed a black dress from his mother, and had to tailor it the night before, so it'd fit right.

"Is everyone ready?" Darry asked, his voice masking any emotion he was feeling.

The gang nodded, though Johnny looked like he was ready to run for it.

"Remember, Ponyboy would skin ya if he saw you crying over him," I told him in a soft voice. Johny nodded and wiped the stray tear from his eye.

"You bring the dog, or want me to lock him in the bedroom?" Dally asked quietly.

"He's gonna come," I said simply. The dog hadn't been the same since Ponyboy died. Everytime I took him out, he whined and looked around, like he was trying to find him. Guess he remembered Ponyboy holding him when I found him all those years ago.

"C'mon then," Darry said.

We all piled into the pickup and rode in silence down to the cemetery. Darry had arranged for Ponyboy to be buried next to their parents. When we reached the cemetery, no one wanted to get outta the car. It was Killer who finally got us moving. He jumped over the side of the truck, barking his head off, even though he was half choking himself, since I had a firm hold on the leash.

"Damnit Killer," I muttered, jumping out of the truck. The gang followed, and Killer settled down, his ears back, tail low.

The ceremony seemed to be the saddest I'd ever attended. When it was time to say our final words, it seemed no one could keep the tears from his voice.

"I love you, little buddy, I hope you know that," Darry whispered as he dumped a handful of dirt over the casket, that seemed all too small and out of place.

"We can't get on without ya, Ponyboy," Soda sniffled as he followed suit.

"I'm sorry man," Two-Bit whispered.

Steve said nothing, but followed suit.

Johnny shook like crazy when he whispered "I wish it was me, Ponyboy, you was too young."

Dally stood, his eyes free of tears, but his voice gave it away when he said "You shouldn't have went in after those kids, Ponyboy!"

When it was my turn, it took me a second to put my emotions into words.

"Ponyboy, you were always the smart one. We'll see you again, and golly, we're gonna miss you somethin' fierce."

We stood there in silence as he casket was covered with dirt. Then, one by one, we laid white roses on his grave, tears in our eyes, and sorrow in our hearts. That day, would haunt us all for the rest of our lives.

* * *

"C'mon Johnny, we can't be late," I called as I ran down to his house. His parents refused to come with him to the hearing, so I decided to take him, since David gave me the week off to deal with Ponyboy and everything. Johnny walked out the house wearing the same suit as the night before, his eyes wide with fear.

"You okay, kid?" I asked, opening the door of the truck for him. I once again, had Darry's truck. Darry didn't care though, as he wasn't going nowhere for a few days anyway. I had already been warned that I wouldn't actually be able to be in the courtroom when the hearing was underway, but I had promised Johnny that I'd be waiting there, for when it's over. Dally was meeting us there, so I wouldn't be there alone all day.

When we got there, I was pointed in the direction of the waiting area while Johnny was escorted somewhere else. I had brought along a book to read but I was too antsy to even try and read it. Dally showed up a few minutes after us, and motioned for me to follow. He handed me a cigarette when we got outside, and pressed his eyes shut, thinking for a moment.

"How long you reckon they'll give him?" Dally asked me suddenly.

"I have a good feelin' they aren't gonna do anything. It was outta self defense, and what with savin' those kids like he did..." I said.

The hearing took two full hours, most of which, Dally and I spent pacing. Nothing is worse than having to wait for somethin' so important. About half way through, Steve and Two-Bit showed up. Two-Bit tried to pick up our moods, but quickly realized it was a lost cause. Steve told me to stop pacing, and for some reason I listened.

We all jumped up when we saw Johnny walking out of the courtroom, looking stunned.

"Well?" Dally said nearly shaking the kid to death.

"I'm not goin' to jail," Johnny said, his eyes wide. "They aren't arrestin' me,"

We all cheered at that, and I decided to pay for a small celebration, even tho none of us were really in the mood for it. I called Darry and told him to get Soda and meet us down at the Shack. He said he'd be there, 'cause he wanted to know how the hearing went, and I refused to tell him over the phone. I then called David and asked him to throw two pizza's in, that'd we'd be down in about 20 minutes.

"C'mon, let's get food," I said, giving Johnny a pat on the back. "I'm proud of ya kid," I added with a smile.

We all plastered smiles on our faces as we celebrated the good news. David pulled me aside after he placed the pizza's on the table, and gave me a funny look.

"What's up?" I asked, taking a deep breath.

"W...how are you guys all laughing and joking like it's some kinda party?" he asked.

"Because we finally got some good news today," I said, forcing a smile.

"But didn't that kid, whats his name, uhm, Donkey...?" he started

"Ponyboy," I corrected.

"Yeah, him, didn't he die only 'bout 4 days ago?" he asked, looking at me like I was an idiot.

"5, and yeah. The funeral was yesterday," I reminded him.

"And you're all okay with it? Actin' like it never happened? Why'd they wait so long to bury him anyway?" David asked. The questions bothered me.

"Because we got good news today," I repeated, "and because that was how things worked out. I dunno. I didn't ask," I answered.

"You sure hang out with a strange lot," he said, shaking his head as he walked away.

"They're my brothers, what do you expect?" I called after him, before returning to the table.

"What was that all 'bout?" Two-Bit asked, pizza hanging outta his mouth.

"Jus' wanted to know when I planned to come back to work," I lied. David and I already agreed that I could take the rest of the month off.

"When you startin' again?" Two-Bit asked, smiling a cheesy smile.

"First o' the month," I said, forcing a smile. "Two weeks off, fully paid."

"Really?" Darry asked, a look of shock crossing his face.

"David feels bad, said it's the least he could do," I lied. Actually, David told me he'd pay me for the time off, as long as I worked the next 4 holidays, including Christmas. I agreed without second thought, because as much as I needed time to get my head straight, I couldn't afford it any other way.

"That's nice of him," Johnny commented. He rose a glass then. "To Ponyboy," he whispered.

"To Ponyboy," we all followed suit. I took a sip of my Pepsi, and felt tears welling in my eyes.

"Hey, no cryin' we're celebrating," Two-Bit joked, nudging me. I forced a smile and nodded.

"Kaylly, is that your dog out back?" David shouted, running into the dining area, his face alarmed.

"My dog's locked in a bedroom at the house, why?" I asked, getting up.

"Well there's a bloody mutt out back, looks like it's been hit by a car," he said breathlessly. I jumped over the counter, knocking the tray of plates on the floor and darted out the back door. I saw the bloody heap, and sighed a soft sigh of relief when I saw it wasn't Killer. This dog was only a puppy, and female.

"Hey, girl, it's gonna be okay," I cooed, moving towards her. She whined and lifted her head, her tail thumping softly on the muddy ground. I examined her, and saw that she had a deep cut on her back leg, and a broken rib, but was otherwise okay. Lucky pup.

"Hey David?" I called, carrying the tiny puppy in my arms.

"Yeah?" he said, coming to see what I wanted.

"Mind if I bring her in? I'll clean up the mess," I asked. He nodded and tossed Sodapop a stack of towels. I guess Soda was as curious as I was. Somethin' about animals.

"She gonna be okay?" Soda asked. He knew just like I did, that the pup was too small to be Killer, before I even said anything.

"Yeah, just gotta patch her up, and she'll be fine," I said with a smile.

"Don't even think about bringing another dog into my house, Kaylly, one's enough," Darry warned.

"Aww, can't we keep 'er till she's healed up?" Soda begged.

"C'mon Darry, she's just a baby, me and the guys can even build a dog house in the yard for 'er," I added. He rolled his eyes, but didn't say no, so I took it as a yes.

"Soda, lay those towels down right there," I said, motioning to the floor. He did, and I laid her on them, drying the blood and mud off her coat. She has a pretty white coat under all that mess, with a brown muzzle and brown specks on her paws. A real pretty dog.

"Steve, grab my bag outta the truck, wouldya?" I asked looking up, pressing a clean towel to the pups leg.

He did, and after a half hour and a few stitches later, the pup looked good as new. She wagged her tail happily, licking Soda's hand.

"Whatcha want to name 'er?" I asked him. He looked up, surprised, but having serious Deja vu. I'd asked him the same thing when I brought Killer home.

"Minnie?" he suggested. Somehow, that didn't surprise me. He originally wanted to name Killer Mickey, until the dog growled and showed he was not no mouse. I smiled widely and nodded tho.

"Minnie it is," I laughed, patting the pup's head.

"How're we gonna feed another dog?" Darry muttered, shaking his head. I caught him smiling tho, and couldn't help but laugh.

"How much you think a tiny pup like that eats?" I teased.

"Kaylly, I'd like the close up some time tonight," David reminded me from the other side of the counter "And I'm gonna need you to toss those towels,"

"No problem David, we're almost done," I said smiling sheepishly. As much as I hated my job, I loved my boss sometimes for having such a huge heart.

After we all pitched in to clean up, we loaded into the truck, Soda carrying little Minnie in his arms, like he'd never let her go. Somehow, I had a feelin' that dog was gonna keep that boy sane.

* * *

_A/N;; I needed a bitter sweet chapter, because all the sadness was making it harder to write. I couldn't exactly say they found a horse hit by a car, and a kitten would be too outta place, so I went with a puppy. Don't know why yet, but I'll figure it out.  
_

_For the record, the smiles and laughter were all forced up until the end of the chapter. Hence bitter sweet. Everything'll make sense as the story continues though!  
_

_I'm always excited to hear what you guys think, and I'm open to suggestions! (Just nothing supernatural like bringing Ponyboy back to life. Since that wouldn't exactly work out! haha!) Thanks for all the reviews so far! They make me smile and make writing so much more fun! :)  
_


	10. Chapter 9

When we got to the house, it was just after 6 at night. Dally, Johnny, Steve and Two-Bit had all went their own ways. I looked up to see Killer sitting on the front steps, his tail wagging. When Soda got out of the truck holding the tiny puppy, he let out a low growl.

"Let me see Minnie," I told Soda. He looked wary, but eventually handed her over. I walked slowly towards Killer, who cocked his head and growled again.

"Easy, bud, she's just a baby," I said softly, kneeling down, holding Minnie very close to my chest. Killer sniffed her, then let out a soft whine, his tail wagging. Minnie replied by licking his nose.

I laughed and looked up to see Soda smiling.

"C'mon, Killer, you've got to be hungry," I laughed. The older dog trotted at my side looking up at the muddy puppy the whole time.

"Soda, throw some of that week old lunch meat down for Killer, I'll get more in the morning," I said as I walked into the bathroom with Minnie. I sat her in the tub and ran the water. Much to my surprise, she didn't mind the soapy bath. Being so small, it only took a few minutes to get her looking good as new.

"She sure is tiny," Darry observed as he handed me a towel to dry her with.

"She can't be more than 2 or 3 months. Small dog too, maybe a beagle mix," I said pointing at her markings "But maybe Cocker spaniel too, 'cause she's got the longish fur," I added, rubbing her dry, careful not to tear the stitches.

"We really don't have time for another puppy, Kay," Darry said, quietly shutting the door so Soda couldn't hear us. "What with us all working so much. Who's gonna take care of her?"

"Soda loves this puppy, Darry. I ain't got the heart to tell him we have to give 'er up. I'll figure something out, jus like I did with Killer. She's only a baby, she won't be hard to keep up with," I said softly. I saw Darry's expression soften as he thought about that. I opened the door and carried Minnie out into the kitchen, where Soda was sitting on the floor next to Killer. Soda may have been 17, but right then, he looked like a kid again.

"Gee she sure does look different without all that mud," he said when I laid the pup in his lap. She started licking his fingers as soon as he went to pet her.

"Yeah she sure does," I said with a smile.

"Is Darry gonna let us keep 'er?" he asked, a smile playing on his lips.

"Yeah, but we gotta figure out what we're gonna do about her when we're all at work," I said slowly. Killer was old enough to be locked in a bedroom with a window open to get in and out. He was trained enough not to stray too far, but we still kept him tied on a long rope anyway. With a puppy you couldn't expect the same.

"I'll bring her to work with me!" Soda said eagerly. I wasn't sure if that was a solution or not, but I let it go. Whatever made him happy.

I was right when I said he'd never let that pup go. To say the bed wasn't crowded that night woulda been an understatement. Since we all decided to bunk in Darry's room, since he had the biggest bed, we had three humans and two dogs, all crammed in one bed. I had dog fur in my mouth, and a puppy scratching at my arm half the night, but I couldn't have felt any more at home.

* * *

The month after everything took place was surreal. Darry and Soda started work the following Monday, leaving me to work around the house with only Killer for company, since Soda refused to let Minnie outta his sight for more than a minute. I guess his boss let him keep her at work with him, because Soda continued to bring her with him.

The Sunday before I was due to start work again, I woke with a start, my stomach turning to ice. Careful not to wake up Soda, I ran to the bathroom, barely making it in time.

"You okay?" Darry asked tiredly. I guess when I banged the door, I woke him up.

"Yeah, I think so," I murmured, rinsing my mouth.

"You look pale," he commented. Darry had been way too observant these last two weeks, for whatever reason. Maybe he felt he had to be, or maybe it was just an old habit he couldn't kick.

"I'm fine," I argued and went to let the dogs out. Minnie was slowly getting the hint about not going the bathroom in the house, and she always eagerly followed her older 'brother' outside when I opened the door. Those two had grown close, and I could have sworn I was seeing a softer side of my evil old dog.

I made a mental note to stop at the hospital later that afternoon. I felt off, and wanted to make sure everything was okay since I couldn't be getting sick when I had to start work again.

Soda decided to go do god knows what with Steve, while Darry rushed around to get ready for work. I smiled to myself. Normality felt mighty good those days. Sometimes I'd catch Soda or Darry lookin' real sad, but they were keepin' it together real good.

* * *

I bussed to the hospital around 4, and waited for what seemed like a lifetime in the waiting room. I explained myself to the nurse when she called my name, and she nodded knowingly.

"We'll have to take a blood sample, and we'll call you in a few days with the results," she said all too brightly. Boy, if only she knew.

The short walk from the busstop back to the house made me feel real lonely. I don't know if it was because I was scared, or because I coulda really used a deep talk with Ponyboy right then, but I felt all alone, and it scared me.

I threw two chickens in the oven when I got back to the house, and tossed a salad. Even though the guys woulda been fine with just the chicken, I'd been trying to get them to eat healthier. Plus it cured my boredom.

Killer followed me back and forth as I was tending to dinner. His tail wagged as he waited for me to toss him a scrap or two.

Life seemed so boring now a days. Nothing interesting happened, not that I minded too much, but it left little in terms of action. I was always jumpy when I had the house to myself, and the boredom and repetition had drained me emotionally. I was actually looking forward to work. Which was saying a lot, since I hated that job.

Had I known that everything was about to change, I woulda been more careful with what I wished for.


	11. Chapter 10

I got the call when I was at work Wednesday. I was about to take my break when David pointed at the phone and said "You got a call."

I listened as the nurse explained to me what was going on.

"Are you sure?" I whispered, tears in my eyes.

"Yes, Kaylly, the test is 99% accurate, and with the symptoms you're describing, it all adds up. Congratulations!" she said with a very bubbly tone, before hanging up. I stood there, dumbfounded.

"David?" I called walking around the counter into his tiny office.

"Yes?" he replied, looking up from whatever he'd been doing.

"Can I take the rest of the afternoon off? One of the girls are already here, and it's a slow day anyway," I begged.

"I don't see why not," he sighed. I had a gut feeling he'd be firing me any time now.

"Thanks," I said as I took off my apron and hung it on the hook.

I walked down to the DX and sat on the hood of my car while Soda and Steve worked on the one next to it.

"You should just sell yours, Kay, since it ain't gonna run anyway," Steve suggested when he saw me.

"Prolly'll have to," I said, wrapping my arms around my chest. Soda looked up and nodded towards the door.

"I'm takin' my break," he told Steve who simply nodded and went back to work on the car.

Soda bought two Pepsi's and nodded towards the hood of Steve car. Leaning against it, he handed me the cold soda.

"What's up?" he asked. Minnie was running circles around his legs, yapping happily. I looked down at the puppy, tears in my eyes.

"You know, this blows. I'm too young to be a mom, why the heck does this sorta shit always happen?" I said suddenly. I heard Soda gasp, then felt him grab my arm and drag me away from the station.

"What did you just say?" he yelped.

"I'm pregnant Sodapop," I moaned.

"How...Who's...what?" he gasped.

"Remember that night I got jumped?" I asked, he nodded. "Well...they didn't just jump me," I said, my voice shaking.

"You mean they...Glory, Kay, why didn't you say nothin'?" he asked, his eyes wide.

"Because I didn't need any of you doin' something stupid. I didn't think I'd end up like this!" I cried, throwing my hands up in defeat. "What am I gonna do, Sodapop?" I asked.

"You're gonna do what the doctor tells you, and you're gonna be one hell of a mom," Soda said matter of factly. "And the kid'll have lots of uncles to help out," he added. He pulled me in for a hug.

"Darry's gonna make me move," I moaned. Darry didn't like kids. Actually, aside from Soda, none of the gang liked kids. They were loud and needy.

"Shoot, he ain't gonna do nothin'. You're family, Kaylly, family sticks together," Soda said softly. He looked at me, and smiled "And anyway. Darry ain't heartless. You're like a sister to 'im,"

"But we can't afford a baby, Soda, shoot, I barely make enough to feed the dogs and pay rent as it is," I sobbed, burying my head into his chest.

"It's all gonna be okay, you'll see," he said softly, his voice soothing my fears.

"Why don't you hang out with Minnie until my shift ends? Then we'll go talk," Soda suggested. I nodded and scooped the puppy up. She wiggled in my arms, her tail wagging, her pink nose pressing to my chin.

* * *

"She healed up real nice," I told Soda as we walked back to the shop. He nodded happily and went back to working on the car. I sat on the hood of my black car, wishing for the millionth time that it still ran. Minnie laid down on my lap and pressed her head against my hand, begging to be pet.

Soda agreed to help me explain everything to Darry after he got off work. We sat in the livingroom, him watching something on TV, me flipping through a book I'd never read before. The dogs laid spread across the floor, looking peaceful. When Darry walked in, I felt tears welling in my eyes. Darry stopped short, concern crossing his tired face. Soda took my hand and gave it a soft squeeze.

"Darry, we all gotta talk," he said lightly, a smile flashing on his face. "It's nothing bad," he added.

"It's horrible," I murmured.

"What's wrong? Darry asked, his voice booming, filling every inch of the house.

I lost it then. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I was plagued by sobs ripping through my body. Killer got up and sat down next to my leg, resting his big furry head on my lap.

"Remember the night we found her? When the Socs jumped her?" Soda asked carefully. Darry must have nodded because Soda continued. "Well, remember how we thought she was hiding something? She was. She's uhm...Kay's gonna be a mom," Soda said, his voice soft, calm.

"Glory, Kaylly, you had me scared there for a second," Darry sighed, shaking his head. He sat down next to me and gave me a hug. "Why're you crying?" he asked.

"Because I..." I started, then looked up at him. He was flashing a rare smile. I blinked, taken aback to say the least.

"You thought I'd have a cow?" Darry laughed. "Kay, it's not the end of the world. We'll figure somethin' out," he said softly. Something about his tone made me worry. It was so out of character, so unexpected...

"Wake up, you're gonna be late for work," Soda called, laying Minnie down next to me. She wiggled between the covers and pressed her cold nose to the small of my back.

"Pup, get your nose outta here!" I yelped, rolling over. Then it hit me.

"What day is it?" I asked Soda, who was rushing to find his pants.

"Monday?" he replied, looking at me funny. "Your first day back at work?"

"Oh," I said, sitting up, pulling Minnie into my lap. She wiggled outta my arms and darted to the edge of the bed, barking for Soda.

I got outta bed and made my way to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, before running a hot shower. I smiled a sigh of relief. Finally.

"You okay?" Soda asked as I gathered my uniform and shoved it in my bag.

"Yeah, had a weird dream tho," I laughed. "But everything's perfect," I added. I didn't even care that my stomach was killing me, or that my back was all cramped up. It was an unexpected, very late gift from above.

"You're weird," Soda teased as he tossed me my shoes. "And you're gonna be late for work."

"Ah shoot, I don't even care," I smiled.

I couldn't get that dream out of my mind though. Darry's reaction had been so strange, I just couldn't shake it. I pushed it aside when I got to work tho, because for the first time in years, I was excited to work with annoying people and disgusting food. Because for the first time since Ponyboy died, everything was fine. Or so I thought.

* * *

_A/n;; I decided to make this chapter change from where I was going with it originally. Instead, a new idea popped in my head, and I decided to roll with it. :) NO, Kaylly is not pregnant. Originally, I was going to have the "secret" come out there, and have that be it, but I decided to change things up a bit. Since we haven't seen much of the gang for the last two chapters, I decided to make things a little more interesting. Feedback greatly appreciated. _

_PS;; I'm not sure as to if another chapter is going up today or not. If I get enough time, it will, otherwise, I'll definitely spit one out for tomorrow!  
_


	12. Chapter 11

"Kaylly, you can deal with that one, he's being somethin' awful" May complained as she threw her order pad on the counter. I looked up and spotted Dally sittin' by the window, his eyes wild.

"Glory, what did he do this time?" I muttered as I wiped my hands on my apron and made my way over to his table. He smelled something fierce, his eyes bloodshot and glassy.

"Dallas Winston, what the heck did you do?" I asked, sitting down across from him. He tilted his head and let out a wicked laugh, doubling over, pounding his knees. I stared at him, confused.

"Oh Kaylly, Kaylly, Kaylly, don't you wish you knew?" he howled. I finally registered the smell.

"Are you on drugs?" I hissed slapping his hand, making him look at me.

"Maybe," he said in a sing-song tone.

"Get out," I growled, suddenly very angry. "Get outta here,"

"I'm hungry," he said innocently.

I slammed my hand down on the table and walked around the counter, and picked up the phone. I dialed the DX and waited while someone went and found Steve or Soda.

"'Ello?" a voice came on the other line. It was Steve.

"Where's Soda?" I asked.

"Elbow deep in grease, why?" Steve asked.

"'Cause I need someone to come get Dallas outta here, before he comes down. He's on somethin' and I don't like it one bit," I muttered.

"Want me or Soda to come down? We're backed up here, but maybe we could get a few minutes," he said doubtfully.

"No. I'll call Buck and see if we can come pick up 'is roommate," I grumbled. Steve said to call back if I had any trouble, and I said I would.

Ever since Ponyboy died, Steve's been treatin' me nicer. Maybe because I kept Soda from getting too miserable, or maybe 'cause I patched the pup up for him, and now she's his baby.

I dialed Buck's number, but no one answered. Sighing, I slammed the phone down and looked at the clock. I had two hours left to my shift, and had a sinking feelin' that Dally would stick around till I got off.

"Kaylly, get him outta here," May begged when I went back to the front of the counter.

"I can't," I sighed. Dally was throwing twisted straws on the floor, laughing like a maniac.

"Well make 'im stop or somethin'. He's gonna get us both canned," she pleaded.

"One thing about Dallas Winston, May, you can't make him do nothin' he don't want to," I sighed and sat down on the stool. The Shack was otherwise empty, and May looked angrily at Dally.

"Listen, if you can cover for me, I'll take off and drag 'im with me," I suggested. "But if David asks where I am, you can't tell 'im I took off – I need this job, May," I added strongly.

"Fine, fine, just get him outta here! He wreaks!" she hissed.

I took off my apron and handed it to her and walked over to Dally.

"C'mon, time to go," I said as calmly as I could.

"I'm hungry," he whined. Hearing him sound like a child really rubbed me the wrong way.

"C'mon, we're gonna go see Sodapop. He'll get us something to eat," I coaxed.

"I don't wanna," he laughed.

"Come on," I said louder than I intended. I grabbed his arm, and pulled him after me.

Outside, I lit a cigarette and pushed Dally ahead of me as we walked the short distance to the DX. He ended up tripping and fell flat on his face about two feet from Steve's car. Cursing, I sat on the hood, staring towards the station, wishing I could lock myself inside and not deal with Dally.

I waved to Steve as he approached, wiping his hands on a rag. Minnie was at his side, yapped happily when she saw me.

"What's he on?" Steve asked, staring at Dally who was laying on his back, laughing like a maniac.

"Who knows. But he ain't been drinking," I said shaking my head. He didn't smell like beer, which surprised me.

"Well we can't just leave 'im here. Soda gets off in an hour, if you wanna stick around?" Steve stated.

"I just wanna dump him in a gutter somewhere," I muttered. Steve scowled at me, but didn't disagree. "Can I borrow your car?" I asked.

"I don't want him puking on my seats," Steve said with a frown. "Where you wanna take him?"

"I was gonna drop 'im off at Buck's. I don't have the patience to deal with hi-" I started, but stopped when Dally looked at me with sad eyes.

"I miss Ponyboy," he muttered. "I miss that damn kid. Why'd he go and die?"

Suddenly it made sense. Dally might have been a hard ass, who could handle anything real cool, gallant even, but I think we finally found what could break him. I realized then, that maybe the gang was struggling worse than they let off.

"I know Dally, we all miss Pony," I choked.

"I wanna go get 'im. I wanna go up to Windrixville and bring 'im home. I shoulda never told them where to go. Why'd I do it? They're just kids," Dally babbled. I felt tears filling my eyes, but it was quickly replaced by anger. I had to get outta there, get away from Dally. This was just too much.

"Stay with him, wouldya?" I asked Steve, who looked a mix between heated and desperate. He nodded as I scooped up Minnie and walked around the back of the station. I sank down next to the outhouse and lit a smoke, letting the foul taste easy the tension that had filled my chest. Minnie whined and licked the tears that had fallen from my eyes.

"Go get Soda, Minnie Mouse, go find Sodapop," I whispered, letting the puppy go. She sat down next to me and cocked her head. I forgot. She wasn't Killer. She didn't know what I was asking of her. I pulled her into my lap again, and sat there sobbing into her white fur.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Soda asked as he came out, having heard my sobs.

"Nothing," I muttered, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"You know, for someone who says nothin's wrong, you sure spend alotta time crying," he said, a smile trailing on his lips.

"Yeah, well, you deal with Dally," I muttered, standing. I'd knocked Minnie off my lap, having forgotten she was there. She yelped and looked up at me, her eyes bright, playful, forgiving.

"What's up with him? Steve said you called looking for us, sup?" he asked, scooping Minnie up.

"He's on somethin, and in one heck of a mood," I explained how he was babbling, leaving out the parts about Ponyboy.

"What's he on?" Soda asked, slowly making his way around to Steve's car.

"I'm not sure. Not booze tho," I said, shaking my head.

"Drug?" Soda asked, his voice low. None of our gang did drugs. It was the one thing we all agreed on.

"I reckon so," I said with another shake of my head. "No idea where to drop 'im either. Buck didn't answer his phone, and I sure as heck don't feel like babysittin' him," I muttered.

"We gotta do something, Kaylly, maybe he's just messed up?" Soda said.

"I dunno, Sodapop. I just don't know," I sighed.

We ended up loading Dally in Steve's car, and I rode in back, keeping his head still so he wouldn't puke all over the car. He looked green everytime we hit a bump.

"Pull over!" I yelped suddenly when Dally let out a soft moan. Steve did without second thought and Soda jumped out to open the door. I slide out of the way and with one hand, supported Dally while he painted the side of the road a nice new color. I wheeled away when the smell hit me. Gagging, I covered my mouth and nose with my hand.

"You still can't handle that, huh?" Soda teased. He knew I never could stomach someone else bein' sick.

I shook my head, and quickly scooped up Minnie, who was overly curious.

Steve shook his head, but sighed with relief that we pulled over in time. After we were sure Dally wasn't gonna be sick again, we loaded back in the car. I took a shaking breath, and let Dally's head rest on my lap again.

"You sure are pretty," he murmured.

"You sure are a pig," I growled. His eyes widened when I said that. Soda turned around to look at me, and then turned to Steve.

"Pull over, I wanna switch seats with Kay," he said, giving me a knowing look. When the car stopped, I slid out and thanked Soda. He nodded knowingly, and handed me Minnie, who was wiggling like a worm.

"What is your problem?" I asked her, struggling to keep her in my arms. She whined and jumped off my lap before I could close the door. She landed on the ground and sniffed around, before squatting.

"At least she's learnin' fast," I laughed after she was done. She relaxed in my lap, a silly dog smile on her face.

"We takin' Dally to your place?" Steve asked, looking at Soda through the rear view mirror.

"Suppose so," Soda said.

"Steve! Look out!" I yelped as a truck going the opposite direction swerved into our lane. It happened so fast. Too fast to react. I felt my head hit the dash, and everything went black.

* * *

_A/N;; Don't worry, no one dies! I promise! I really needed this scene though. :) Don't worry though. And haha, guess I did end up spitting another chapter out today, huh? Can't help it! I'm in love with these characters!  
_


	13. Chapter 12

"Is she okay?" I dimly heard someone ask.

"I dunno," another voice. "Kaylly? Kay?"

"Mmmm," I moaned. I pulled my head back, and dully wondered why there was so much blood.

"You okay?" the voice repeated. I turned my head and saw Steve. His forehead was cut, but he looked otherwise alright.

"Um, yea," I muttered, then turned to look in the back seat. Soda was as pale as a ghost, but very much alive. He had a few cuts from what I could see, but looked alright.

"Dally?" I asked, turning a little more. It hurt to move. I looked down at my lap and gasped. "Shit, I'm not so okay," I muttered. The passenger side door was caved in, pinning my legs in place.

"Dally's fine," Soda said in a shaking voice. "Hit his head real good, but he's breathing. Where's Minnie?" Soda asked suddenly. I looked around, then felt a small tongue licking my leg.

"She's on the floor. I think she's okay," I said. I couldn't tell though, because I couldn't move my legs.

We all jumped when someone knocked on the door. Steve pushed it open and looked up at to see a man covered in blood. Clearly the driver of the truck.

"You kids okay?" he asked. His eyes were wild, and the smell of alcohol hit me like a ton of bricks.

"My friend, the door's caved in on her legs," Steve stammered, clearly in shock.

I closed my eyes, feeling dizzy against the strong smell. Leaning on head on the window, or rather what was left of it, I let the pain subside to sleep.

I woke with a start and looked around. The walls were white and bare. I turned my head and saw Darry sitting in a chair next to me.

"What happened?" I asked softly.

"Don't you remember? You all were in a car accident, Steve's car's totaled," Darry said gently. I nodded weakly, and felt for my legs. I moved the blanket and gave a sigh of relief when I wiggled my toes.

"Thank god," I whispered.

"Soda and Steve are real worried, want me to bring 'em in?" someone said from the doorway. I looked up to see a familiar face, one of the nurses who knew me pretty well. I couldn't remember her name tho.

"Yeah," I said with a pained smile.

Soda nearly knocked me off the bed when he came running in, and landed on the bed, bouncing up and down. "You had me scared, Kaylly!" He practically shouted.

"Stop. Bouncing!" I groaned. He stopped and looked down at me, a frown playing on his lips.

"How's Dally?" I asked.

"Concussion and a broken arm, but he's fine," Steve said, leaning against the door frame. "I'm mighty sorry you got hurt, I tried to swerve," he added.

"It's okay, we're all okay," I said, then shoved Soda outta the way so I could wiggle my toes again. I don't know why, but the fact that I could made me so happy, it was unreal.

"So what's the verdict?" I asked the nurse. She smiled as she read over my chart.

"Believe it or not, the only injuries you got were a few cuts and bruises, and five stitches in your head. I swear, God was watching over you four," she said with a smile. I leaned back and smiled to myself. The words came out before I could stop them.

"Not God, ma'am. Ponyboy. Ponyboy saved us."

I turned my head and looked at Darry, who looked so old, it was scary.

"I'm just glad you're all okay," he murmured. I reached over and took his hand, and smiled.

"We're alright, Darry. You can stop worrying now," I yawned. I closed my eyes, and let the painkillers do their job.

* * *

"Glory, she looks so pale," a voice broke into the middle of the strangely peaceful dream. I blindly reached for the pillow and threw it in the direction of whoever woke me up.

"Hey! I brought your dog, you shouldn't throw things," the voice joked.

"Two-Bit?" I asked, opening my eyes. My head was pounding, but I was happy to see him.

"The one and only," he laughed, then unclipped Killer's leash. He barked happily, but knew better than to jump on the bed.

"How'd you get him in?" I asked, rubbing his head softly.

"The nurse actually suggested it," he laughed. "Said it might help you get better," he added.

"How long have I been here?" I asked, then cursed. "Does David know?"

"I stopped by and told him 'bout the accident. He said come back when you can. And three days," Darry said gently. "Relax," he added when he saw my hands shake.

"Any news on Dally?" I asked.

"He was released yesterday. He's fine," Darry said. He gave my hand a soft squeeze, and patted the bed. Minnie jumped up from the floor and landed next to me. Killer whined and licked my hand. Somehow, that little puppy gave me strength.

"Hey, Minnie Mouse, it's good to see you, pup," I laughed, rubbing her ears. "You sure are a fast one. I'm glad you didn't get hurt," I added, looking her over. She didn't have a single scratch.

"Go get my doctor, wouldya?" I asked Two-Bit, whose eyes widened. "I'm fine, I wanna see when I can go home," I said quickly.

When the doctor came in the room and saw the dogs, he shook his head.

"You're lucky you're a regular," he tutted. I laughed at that. "So how are you feeling?"

"Tired, but alright," I said.

"Well we've been weening you off painkillers the last 24 hours, so I'm happy to hear you're not in pain," he said, reading my chart.

"Can I go home?" I asked. Everyone in the room looked at him.

"Well, normally I'd have you stay another night, but you know the drill so," he let his statement drop off.

"I know, any dizziness, fainting, or getting sick, and I'm right back here, pronto," I sighed.

"Yupp. So, let me get those papers...Oh! I know you're an adult and everything, but I don't like discharging car accident patients without having someone else agree to keep an eye on them for 24 hours afterwards..." he looked at Darry who nodded.

"She's coming home with us," he said softly. The doctor nodded and left the room to get the paperwork.

"You'd think they'd know that by now. Hand me my chart, wouldya?" I said, pointing at the clipboard hanging on the door. Two-Bit handed it to me, and watched as my expression changed.

_Pregnancy terminated by impact of car door. D & C performed._

Tears rolled down my cheeks when I read that. I sucked in a shaking breath, and placed the chart down on the bed.

"What hurts?" Darry asked urgently, his eyes wild.

"Nothing, nothing hurts," I whispered. It didn't make sense. Then I remembered something my mom told me before she had Jenny.

_I know you're still young, but when you become a woman, remember, when you have sex, you can end up pregnant, and you might not know right away. You might still get your period and you might still __feel normal. But you have to remember, don't have sex until you're ready to be a mom. Because there's no going back. _

I pressed my eyes shut and pulled my knees to my chest, letting the tears roll down my cheeks.

"Kay, what's wrong?" Darry asked again.

"Can I have a minute? Alone with Sodapop?" I asked, my voice barely audible. Soda nodded to the guys, and they left. Soda came and sat next to me, looking real worried.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly. I opened my chart and pointed to the line.

He read it a couple times before saying anything.

"You were pregnant?" he whispered, his eyes wide.

"I didn't know," I answered, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Who's...how?" he asked.

"Remember that night, when I got jumped?" he nodded. "Well...remember you asked me if anything else happened?" he nodded again, sliding closer, so his arm was around me. I let my head rest on his shoulder as I whispered, "The older one, he...he raped me."

Soda sat stone still, holding me close, as I cried.

"You didn't tell no one?" he said lightly.

"No. I didn't see the point," I whispered.

"The point is, they hurt you. And now you lost a baby because of it," he said. When I looked up, I saw his deep chocolate eyes burning angrily.

"I didn't want no one to go after them, they ain't worth it Sodapop," I whispered.

"Glory, I'd like to take a bullet to their heads," he growled.

"No," I whispered, squeezing his arm "I need you, but I don't need you to fight my battles," I said softly.

"Are you gonna tell anyone else?" he asked, his voice softening when he saw his outburst had hurt me even more.

"No. No, prolly not," I said. "Why?"

"Because they'd have a cow," he said. He smiled down at me, and hugged me tightly. "You're a tough chick, ya know that?" he smiled.

"I know. Have to be," I laughed. "Go open the door, I wanna go home."

He did wordlessly, and I signed the discharge paper. I changed into a pair of jeans and a jacket, which I guess Darry must have brought, and walked down the hall, my best friends and dog at my side. Tiny Minnie was cradled in Soda's arms, like I knew she'd be for the rest of her life.

Somehow, we made it out alive.


	14. Chapter 13

As soon as we got to the house, I made a beeline to the bathroom. I locked the door and ran a hot shower, my muscles aching, every inch of my body tired and screaming for relief. I stepped in, and let the water ease away the pain. I noticed then, the dried blood freeing itself from my hair. I stood there, motionless, watching little brown swirls spiral down the drain.

I grabbed a fuzzy towel and wrapped it around my body, only then hyper aware of the fact I forgot to grab a change of clothes. Pain rippled through my legs, and I finally got a good look at the black and blue bruises that painted my skin. I stepped out of the bathroom and quickly padded to Soda's room. I saw my laundry, neatly folded, sitting on top of the chair. Dressing quickly, I wrapped a thick blanket around my shoulders, for some reason, colder than I ever had been before.

I walked slowly down to the kitchen, and was nearly knocked flat by an overly excited four legged freak.

"Killer, back off," I murmured, lightly pushing the dog away. He whined and looked at me, his muddy eyes shining brightly against the lights.

"It's good to see you up and walking," a voice came from behind. I turned to see Two-Bit staring at me, a smile on his face.

"It's good to be up," I said softly. I looked around the kitchen, and for the first time since Ponyboy died, it really hit me, how empty the house felt without him.

"Johnny was real worried about you, we all were, but Johnny was scared you'd up and die," Two-Bit said, motioning to the livingroom. I followed him, pulling the blanket tighter around me.

"You cold?" Two-Bit asked when he saw me gripping the blanket for dear life.

"Yeah, prolly coming down with something, what with everything," I muttered, twisting my hands in the blanket. I shivered, then smiled when I saw Johnny sitting on the couch.

"Hey Johnnycakes," I said brightly, though my throat stung. I slid across the floor, careful not to step on Minnie, who had taken up residence in the middle of the floor.

"Golly, you sure scared us," he said, his eyes wide, looking younger than I'd ever seen him.

"I wasn't the one who decided to crash the car," I joked. Steve grumbled from his spot in front of the TV.

"Yeah well, that idiot driver's spending the next month in the cooler," Darry said from the doorway. He was holding the morning newspaper

"Was he drunk?" I asked, coming over to read the article.

"Yeah," Darry said, handing the paper to me.

"Unbelievable. Shoot, even we know better than to drive drunk," I scolded. "How's Dally?" I asked no one in particular.

"More or less on lockdown at Buck's. Darry laid in on him for getting into whatever he did," Soda chirped from the arm chair.

I smiled at Darry and he gave a knowing nod.

"You're looking flushed," he said, pressing his hand to my forehead.

"I'm fine, just a cold," I said. Killer came up next to me, and tried to play tug of war with the blanket.

"Killer, stop it," I yelped, as air hit my skin. I shivered and pulled the blanket, slapping the dog away. He growled and wagged his tail playfully.

"Someone take this dog for a walk, before he tears the house down," I laughed. Two-Bit jumped up and grabbed the leash from the table.

"C'mon, Johnnycakes. Let's see what trouble we can get into," he laughed.

"Better yet," I laughed, taking the leash from Two-Bit, "I'll take him. Last time, you lost my dog," I teased. Two-Bit let out a laugh, remembering the time he accidentally forgot Killer straight across town, almost two years ago.

"Johnny, why don't you grab Minnie? It's time to teach that pup to walk on a leash without trying to eat it," I added. Soda jumped up, his hair flopping over his eyes.

"I wanna come!" He chirped, nearly bouncing where he stood.

"A'right. Darry? You wanna come too?" I asked. I was giving him the most pleading look I could. I missed the last time we were all together doing something other than fighting or mopping around.

"Sure, we'll get Steve and walk around," Darry agreed, nodding.

"What about Dally?" Johnny asked, handing Minnie to me so I could clip on her leash.

"Maybe, I'm not sure if Minnie will want to walk that far though," I said. Soda gave me a funny look. We all knew that pup could walk for miles and not get tired.

Minnie wiggled in my arms, giving me a soft nip until I put her down. I tossed the blanket towards the chair, but it fell short. Killer barked, pulling away from Two-Bit, who was struggling to keep him under control.

"Let the leash drop. I only keep it on him in case he bolts off," I said. I rarely had to actually hold the leash when I walked Killer, especially since we brought Minnie home. Minnie on the other hand, had a knack for getting herself in tight spaces.

"Why're we teaching her to walk on a leash now?" Soda asked.

"Because she's getting bigger now, and we can't be losin' her everytime we take her out," I said with a laugh. I knew better than anyone, that if you had an ill mannered dog, you'd run into trouble when they got older. I almost got arrested for Killer a couple times, when he'd run after a kid, his teeth bared. He never bit no one, but he was mighty scary. That's why he's always on a leash when I walk him, even if I don't actually hold it. He's rough, but if you step on the leash right, it'd stop 'im in his tracks.

After we got Steve, and a few minutes of debating who'd hold who, and what exactly we wanted to do, we split into two groups, one with Killer, the other with Minnie. Soda, Steve and I had Minnie, while Darry, Two-Bit and Johnny had Killer. We decided to turn it into a game, a pack of cigarettes OR 3 bucks the wager. Sine Darry and Soda hardly ever smoked. Actually, Darry never smoked.

"How are we gonna know who wins?" Soda asked excitedly.

"Turn it into a game of tag football, since no one's gonna tackle either dog," I suggested. "You have to keep the dog's leash in your hands at all times, and she or he must follow you. Neither dog can run a touchdown, unless their human is following after." I added.

"Sound interesting," Steve laughed.

Somehow the game ended up with us all covered in mud. Minnie yapped happily as be pounced on Soda, licking his face, causing us to crack up all over again.

"How did you manage to trip over the leash?" I asked Darry, who was wiping mud from his face.

"Killer ran one direction, Minnie the other," he laughed.

It felt good, normal. It was rare for any of us to have time to get together for a game of football, let alone turn it into a mud bath.

"Guess who's getting a bath when we get home," I laughed, pulling a very muddy Killer into my lap. He barked and wiggled, trying to chase after Minnie, who was darting down the lot. "Go get her," I laughed, letting him go.

The dogs romped around, barking happily, while we all sat there, head to toe in mud, watching the sun set over the horizon.

"It sure is pretty," Soda commented before getting up, chasing after the dogs. We all laughed at that. Sometimes, Sodapop reminded me of a hyper active puppy. Maybe that's why he loved Minnie so much. She wore him out, always wanting to run and play.

"You look better," Darry commented, slinging his jacket around my shoulders.

"Yeah. I feel better," I admitted, looking up at the setting sun. "Today was a mighty fine day. I miss it, ya know? Being a kid,"

He nodded and smiled. Seeing him smile reminded me of how much had changed those last few years. How much we all had to grow up and adapt. How much we all lost. In that moment tho, I counted my blessings. I might have been a 'stray', I might have had a rough life, but I had friends who made it all better, and who made it bearable. Friends who made every day a new adventure, no matter how painful the years had been.

I wouldn't trade it for the world.


	15. Chapter 14

We finally thought our luck was changing, as the winter months moved in. Tho it was a cold winter, it wasn't nothing we couldn't handle. By Thanksgiving, we were all tired of feeling sorry for ourselves, and decided to make the most of it. Darry cooked a real fine meal, and we all enjoyed it in laughter and good spirits, though everyone knew it was hard. It was weird not having Ponyboy around for the holidays, and even more off, because Dallas landed himself six months in the cooler for armed robbery. The only reason he didn't get more, was 'cause the heater wasn't loaded. Dumb fool.

Minnie had grown into a beautiful little dog, with more manners than most of the gang. She and Killer had grown close, and my old mutt stopped being so mean. Johnny looked less scared these days, and it brought great relief to us all.

Christmas was a totally different story. We put up the tree and all agreed to meet up, tho most of the gang was spending it with their folks. Aside from Johnny, who was pretty much staying with us full time now. I'd spent some of my holiday pay to buy a real nice red dress, especially for the holidays. I didn't own that many nice clothes, and it felt good to finally go out and do something girly.

Oh, I should prolly mention that me and Darry were finally a thing. I don't know if you'd say we were together exactly, but it was definitely getting there. We'd bonded last spring, and it really did pay off. Darry seemed happier, more like he did before everything happened with his folks.

For Christmas, I had made it a point that I didn't want anything, but no one could object to my treating them. They had been the family I longed for growing up, even though I had one of my own years back. They became the family I needed after my mother died. I had been saving for half the year to treat them all to a little something or other.

On Christmas eve, I drove down to the cemetery, two small gifts in my arms. Both dogs had come with me, because Soda finally let Minnie outta his sight for half a second. I parked the car and let the dogs trot at my side as we stopped at the first of the headstones.

"Well it's Christmas again, Mom, god, I miss you so much. I remembered your apple pie recipe, I baked two today, for tomorrow's dinner. I'm awful sorry I haven't been around. It's been rough. God, Mom, what'd I give to have you back here, just for one day," I whispered. I kissed my palm and pressed it to the frost covered headstone. Next, I moved onto Little Jenny.

"Girl, I can't believe you're gone. To this day, it damn near kills me to think you left when you were so young. But you're keeping mama happy in heaven, I bet. So here's a little something for you. I love you kiddo, I jus' wish I showed you that. Merry Christmas," I said as I sat the tiny wrapped gift down on the snow covered ground. I looked to the sky and let out a soft sob.

I whistled for the dogs and waited as they followed me to the next set. I knelt down next to Mr. and Mrs. Curtis's headstones, and smiled sadly.

"It sure has been a rough year on your boys, but they're doing the best they can. Darry's grown into a real fine man, you'd be proud of 'im. And Soda, golly, that boy is getting wiser by the day. I sure wish yous were here for the Holidays. It just ain't the same without you," I said and whispered a silent prayer in their honor. The last headstone was Ponyboy. I sucked in a choked breath, and looked down at the headstone.

"Oh, Ponyboy," I whispered, at a loss for words. I felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks, but I didn't care. "Ponyboy, you're a hero, you know that? You saved those kids, and you made us all real proud. I can't even put into words what it's like without you here. Soda and Darry are doing real good tho, but they miss you something fierce. I wish I could bring you back, just for tonight, just to give them a little something to hang onto. I sure hope heaven's as pretty as they say, 'cause you sure do deserve a real fine sight. I love you kid. I hope you know that. Darry really loves you too. He still cries for you sometimes. It hurts. Merry Christmas, kiddo, we miss you," I sobbed, and set the other gift on the snow. I felt a nose nudge my bare hand, and pulled Minnie into my arms. She whined and licked the tears away.

In that moment, I felt something unexplainable. I don't know if it was a sign, or just a feeling, or what, but I felt something change, like there was a shift or something. Like time stood still.

I whistled, calling both dogs back as I made my way through the snow back to the truck. Darry had loaned me it once he got off work that evening. Rubbing my hands together, I opened the door and loaded both dogs in. Darry would have a cow about the muddy footprints on his seat, but he'd have to deal with it.

The drive back seemed a lot longer than I remembered. Then it occurred to me that I was heading the long way, which would take me right past my old neighborhood. Almost deciding against it, I turned down one of the back streets and watched as the house passed by. I rounded what used to be my corner, and stopped the truck. I looked out the window, at the darkened windows of my childhood home. My mom used to always decorate, no matter how lousy she was feeling. I looked next door, to the house that belonged to Mr. Riley and his wife. You could see the lights from their Christmas tree shining brightly. Killer whined and scratched at the window, leaving wet paw prints. I sighed and opened the door, letting both dogs bound towards my old house. It looked vacant, untouched in months. I spotted Mr. Riley sitting on his porch, smoking a pipe.

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Riley," I called pleasantly, giving a small wave. He got up and made his way up to where I stood.

"My, my, it's good to see you again Kaylly. No one's been to this house since your pa moved out," he said shaking his head. "I was afraid it'd stay vacant forever. Doesn't seem right, not having the lights and all," he continued.

"I thought he sold the house when he left?" I asked.

"I thought so too. But no one's been here since then," he said. I heard his wife, Gloria calling for him to come back inside. I smiled and wished him a Merry Christmas again, before climbing the back fence and heading around the back of my old home. Killer and Minnie had dug under the fence and were waiting for me on the back step.

"Let's see if we can't get in," I said to them. I turned the knob, but like I guessed, the door was locked. I remembered that we kept a spare key under the one rock, and wondered if it was still there. I kicked the snow around to uncover the rock, and froze my hands trying to move it. When it moved, I was surprised to see the key still there.

I unlocked the back door and let the dogs inside. The house was exactly like I remembered it, except the windows were dirty and the floor was covered by a thick layer of dust. I walked across the front room, my mind flooded by memories.

The house only had 5 rooms. The kitchen, the front room, the bathroom, and then two bedrooms, one, which me and Timmy, and Tyler, slept, and the other, which my parents, Riley, Tommy and Jenny shared. Tyler had been only a year younger than me, and Tim was two years older. Tommy was 6 years younger than me, Riley was 8 years younger than me, and Jenny was about 12 years younger than I was. It was scary to believe that in the course of 14 years, my parents had had 6 kids.

I let my hands fall on the dresser that we had shared for so many years. I had left a lot of my belongings behind when I left. It was hard to believe that a lot was still in that old house.

I walked into the bigger of the two bedrooms, and went to the small closet. I pushed the old clothing behind, and found my mother's chest. It had been passed down from generation to generation for years. I was surprised my father had left it behind. I opened it and coughed as a cloud of dust flew out. Pushing aside the old photos, I found my mother's wedding dress. It was yellowed from age, but still stunning.

"I miss you mom," I said aloud. Killer and Minnie had found me some time later, tears rolling down my cheeks as I sat on the floor, ruffling through pictures, with the light only from the candle I had lit.

After I was done, I walked back to the kitchen, and noticed a folded piece of dusty paper. I unfolded it, and nearly cried when I saw what was written on it.

_Sissy,_

_I hope you come back and find this, 'cause I really want you to know that we need you. We need you to keep us together. Timmy doesn't come home no more, and Riley won't talk to no one. The last thing he said before he stopped talking was 'bring sissy home, we need her.' Sissy, we want you to find us. Dad said we're moving to the country, somewhere far away. Said you'd prolly never try to find us no how. I told him he was wrong. You'd find us when you learned we moved on. Jenny, oh god, Jenny's death was so sudden sissy. You gotta come back. I love you. Tommy misses you too. He can't wait to see you again. We need you, hope you find this well. Mama's chest is still in her closet. I made Dad leave it behind for you. Told him you'd find it. Find us now sissy. Before something real bad happens. Dad's been rough with Riley since you left. I think that's why he's so scared to talk. Scared Dad'll hit him again. C'mon sissy, you know you miss us. At least you miss Ri-Ri. _

_ I love you, please come home,_

_Tyler_

I bit back a sob as I read the letter again. James had to be around 19 now. The fact that he still used our childhood petnames surprised me. Everyone called me Sissy when I was younger – not because I was a 'sissy' but because I always ended up being considered everyone's sister. It broke my heart, but I couldn't turn back now. Too much had changed, I had a life here in Tulsa that I refused to turn my back on.

With the note in one hand, the other tracing circles in the wall, I walked towards the back door, and whistled for the dogs to follow. They did, and I locked the door, and slid the key into my pocket.

The drive home seemed to pass way too fast. I sat in the truck for an hour before finally going inside. I clipped the leash onto Minnie's collar, and let both dogs out of the car. I took a deep breath, a shiver running up my spine.

When I walked through the front door, I thought Darry was going to throw me against the wall, that's how fast he stood.

"Do you know what time it is?" he shouted. I shook my head, feeling my eyes widen. I let go of Minnie's leash, and to my surprise, she growled. Killer let out a warning growl, stepping between Darry and I.

"I'm a grown woman, Darry," I reminded me softly. I pushed both dogs aside, and wrapped my arms around him. "And I'm perfectly okay. I'm home, I'm sorry you worried,"

This wasn't the first time Darry lost it when Soda or me came in late. I think part of it was still the fact it killed him that that was the last time he really saw Ponyboy, the night he completely lost it. I was used to it, but it still made my heart skip a beat.

"I was worried," he murmured. I felt him take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, I was taking a walk down memory lane. Merry Christmas," I said softly. I was surprised to see it was already 1 in the morning. I gave him a kiss on the cheek, then called the dogs into the kitchen so I could fill up their water bowls.

"Who moved the bowls?" I called.

"I did, I was moping the floor," Darry said, handing them to me after he filled them.

"C'mon you two, drink up," I called. The dogs looked at me expectantly. "What? Hungry?" I asked them. Minnie yapped happily. I went to the counter and pulled out the bag of dog food. I filled their bowls and laughed as the dogs tripped over each other to get food.

"So where'd you end up?" Darry asked me, turning me towards him, letting his arms warm my shoulders.

"I went home," I said slowly.

"This is home?" he said softly.

"No, I mean I went home," I said. "To my home."

Darry rubbed my shoulders softly, and sighed. "What did you find?" he asked.

"Memories. A lot of memories," I said slowly. I turned to look at him, and felt tears welling in my eyes. "After the holidays, I'm gonna take a few days off from work, and dead out and try to find them, my brothers I mean. Not my old man. The kids need me," I whispered. He hugged me tight and nodded, understanding completely. It was weird. Normally, I went to Soda, not Darry, but lately, I've felt like I could talk to him on a personal level, without having him judge me.

"Merry Christmas," he whispered as we made our way to the bedroom. The nights of bunking with Soda had come to an end over Thanksgiving. Ah, that sure was an interesting conversation to have with my best friend.

* * *

_A/n;; In case anyone noticed, I kept calling Kaylly's older brother "Timmy" "Jimmy" . Minor slip of the hand. I went back to fix it, but I still don't know if I caught all the slips, so let me know if you saw/see any! :)_

_This chapter is sooo far off from where I originally was going to take it. I was going to jump a few years into the future and go from there, but decided instead, to play things out more. Hope you all enjoyed! :) Next, we'll see a very bitter sweet Christmas and New Years play out.  
_


	16. Chapter 15

I woke early Christmas morning, after only a few hours of sleep, and padded down to the livingroom, where I quietly moved all the presents from the closet, to under the tree. I was extra quiet, because Johnny was sleeping on the couch. Killer had followed me the entire time, his paws making light padded sounds through the house. I walked into the kitchen and turned on the coffeemaker, before heading outside for a smoke. The snow was sparkling against the sunlight, and it didn't even bother me that it was freezing and I was outside in only a thin jacket.

Killer pressed against me, letting his thick fur keep my arms warm. I heard the sound of little claws digging the door behind me, and pushed it open a crack, little Minnie darting out, her tail wagging. She loved the snow.

"Minnie, over here," I called softly. She blended in with the snow so well, sometimes you couldn't even see her.

"Merry Christmas," a tired voice called from behind me. I turned to see Johnny putting on his jean jacket before joining me on the steps.

"Merry Christmas," I said with a smile. I rubbed my arms and shivered against the wind. Johnny looked like he wanted to talk, but I didn't press the subject. He had a way of coming around in his own time.

"You know, it's weird. Putting on happy faces and acting like nothing's changed," Johnny said softly. "I ain't the only one who misses Ponyboy, I know that,"

"We're just trying to be strong, Johnnycakes. We gotta. Because we can't live every day, sad and missing him. He's skin us if he saw that," I said lightly. "He's watching over us now, making sure we don't get ourselves killed."

"It just don't feel right. No one even went down to the cemetery..." he murmured.

"I did, last night after Darry got off work. I went down and sat with him, his parents, my mom and my sister. I even brought gifts for him and Jenny," I said. "I shoulda asked if you wanted to come, but I sorta just wanted to go alone,"

"You went at night?" he asked, his eyes widening. He wasn't the only one who avoided the cemetery at night. Most of the gang had this obsession with it being unsafe, for whatever reason. I, on the other hand, found it peaceful, like I could feel them with me when it was dark out.

"I had the dogs with me," I said "and then I went to my old house," I added, taking the letter outta my pocket. "After the new year, I'm going to go look them up, see if I can't find the kids,"

"You can't," Johnny said suddenly, standing up, nearly slipping on the icy stair. "You can't jus' up and leave too!"

"I ain't goin' no where for good, Johnnycakes, but they're my family, they need me," I replied, surprised by his reaction.

"No! You can't jus' go and leave! We need you here!" he was practically shouting.

"Alright, alright, nothing's set in stone any way," I said cautiously. It was rare for Johnny to get this upset about anything, it surprised me.

I silently went back inside, trailed by both dogs, who were wet from the snow.

"Sit," I told them, laying a towel on the floor. I hated wet paw prints on the carpets. I grabbed the old baby gate and set it up, separating the kitchen from the living room.

"You're up early," Darry stated as he walked into the kitchen, flinching as he stepped in a cold puddle.

"I always get up early on Christmas," I said with a smile. He pulled me into his arms and rubbed my cold arms.

"You gotta dress warmer," he added, letting his warm hands soothe the chill on my skin.

"I forgot," I laughed. In all reality, I just didn't have a warm enough jacket. Darry knew that, but he was always on me about not taking one of his or Soda's if I was going outside.

"Stop forgetting," he said in a soft tone. I smiled up at him. Killer growled and jumped at the gate, something he hadn't done in months. I looked towards him, and saw the anger in his eyes. I quickly moved the baby gate, and backed up as Killer ran to the front door, barking loudly. Darry and I shared a look, before both edging towards the door.

"Hold onto Killer," I told Darry while I scooped up Minnie, who was barking just as loudly. She was less dangerous, but could definitely leave you sore if she got a hold of you.

I opened the door with one hand, and dropped Minnie immediately, my jaw unhinging.

"Merry Christmas, Sissy," the voice said cheerfully. I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Tyler?" I asked, not sure if I was dreaming, or just having a very vivid hallucination.

"It's really me," he said softly, then reached for me. I couldn't help it. I pulled back.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. My voice sounded angry. I don't know why. This was my younger brother, right here. The one I was closest to growing up. The one who begged me to come for them. Why did I feel so much hate, anger, heart break, when I saw him standing there?

"I couldn't take another Christmas without you. And dad said you'd prolly be dead in a ditch somewhere. So I made a few calls, and ended up at a few dead ends, before coming here. I remember when we were little, you used to love this house, shoot, I think you loved their parents more than your own, but I wasn't sure, if you'd actually stay here. So I took a wild guess, and looks like it's true. You are still in the neighborhood," Tyler said. He didn't make much sense, but then again, my brother wasn't the brightest bulb.

"Does Dad know where you are?" I asked worriedly. The last thing I wanted was for the old man to come and drag me off to Timbuktu.

"No. I told him I was coming down to visit mom's grave today, said I'd be home for the new year," he said shaking his head. "Golly, we miss you so much Kaylly. Did you ever get my letter?"

"I found it yesterday," I said shortly. I don't know why, but seeing him drained all the courage and strength I'd been feeling only moments earlier.

"I'm sorry for just coming up, but I really missed you," Tyler said, sensing the tension. Finally, the anger seeped from my veins and I stepped aside.

"Well come on in, no good it's doing you to stand out in the cold," I said slowly, grabbing hold of Minnie's collar so she couldn't dart out the door.

"You remember Darry, right?" I said as I closed the door. Darry let go of Killer, who growled at my brother suspiciously.

"Yeah, good to see you again, Darry," he said, sticking out his hand. Darry shook it, and looked at me funny.

After I gave Tyler a cup of coffee, I excused myself so I could take a shower. I was still in a bad mood, but couldn't figure out why. Tyler and I had been extremely close growing up. He was my rock, especially when my mom's health took a turn for the worse. He used to be so good with Riley and Jenny too. He was the softest of the boys. He cared more and tried harder than anyone, to keep us all together. When I left, I remembered him begging me to keep in touch. I think that was why I never visited when the kids were home – because leaving Tyler behind was like leaving a piece of me.

I quietly gathered the dress from Darry's closet, and closed the bathroom door behind me. I didn't notice until I was already in the shower, that Killer had followed me in.

"What do you think about all this, huh boy?" I asked the dog, who had made himself comfortable laying on my dirty pants. He lifted his head and let out a low bark. I smiled to myself and let the hot water ease the tension from my bones. I still couldn't put my finger on it, but something felt totally off. But as I stepped out of the shower, I pushed that thought aside. I slid into the dress and strapped the red shoes. I hated heels, they made it impossible to walk right, let alone run, but for one day in my tedious life, I wanted to look like a woman, not some greasy little girl. Not that there was anything wrong with being a Greaser. I loved my life, for the most part, but sometimes, especially now that I was older, I longed to be looked at like people used to look at my mom before she got sick. Of course, she used to sew her own dresses, rather than spend money on them, but it was the same thing.

Walking into the kitchen, I felt too many pairs of eyes watching me. Blushing, I walked over to Darry, who wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"You look stunning," he whispered in my ear. I smiled and looked around. The kitchen was packed. Soda, Johnny, Tyler, Steve, Two-Bit, and the dogs all sat watching, waiting.

"Okay, okay, everyone move into the livingroom. Let's get gifts outta the way," I laughed. Tyler's eyes widened, and I realized right then, that I had sounded exactly like my mother. In a household of six, plus four cats and two adults, our kitchen was always crowded on Christmas morning.

"Sorry," I whispered, seeing a pained expression cross my brother's face. He shook his head and started towards the livingroom.

"So I wasn't expecting you, Tyler, so I don't have your gift yet," I said with an apologetic tone.

"That's okay," he smiled, as he passed me a small package. I slowly peeled back the paper, unsure, and feeling silly. I opened the little velvet box, and gasped. Laying on the red velvet, was my mother's charm bracelet.

"How did you..." I gasped.

"Mom left it to Jenny, in her will, but Jenny never wanted it. She always said you'd care more about it, since you could actually remember mom," he explained. I walked over and hugged him, tears rolling down my cheeks.

We all sat in a circle passing gifts around. I was shocked when Steve tossed me a set of keys.

"We all pitched in, and managed to find a real good deal on an old pick up – Soda and I spent the last month piecing it back together," I smiled brightly and hugged each guy one by one.

After everyone opened their gifts, I send the guys out to go have fun, while Darry and I started on dinner, even though it was only about 10 in the morning. We had a huge meal prepared and needed the house empty.

"Steve and Two-Bit went to their own houses, but I think Tyler's out there with Soda and Johnny," Darry explained as I pulled the two hams out of the fridge.

"Alright, that's perfect. Listen, after I throw these in the oven, I have to head down to the jail for a few minutes," I said hurriedly. Darry shook his head.

"No, please, Kay, don't," he begged. I'd only ever heard Darry beg a handful of times in all the years I'd known him. So instead of insisting like I would have with anyone else, I simply nodded.

"Alright, Darry, I won't go," I said softly as I walked around the table and pulled him in for a tight hug. It dawned on me then, that he just didn't want to think about Ponyboy. Not on Christmas.

That was the first day it really hit us all. We were coming apart at the seams. Tyler stayed for dinner, and we caught up a little, and I sent him off with the last of my savings, so he could keep things calm at home. I begged him not to tell our father where I was. It was better to let him think I was dead. Tyler agreed, and promised to bring Riley down as soon as he could. With one final hug, I watched my brother drive into the sunset.

That night we gathered in the livingroom and enjoyed Christmas movies. Soda, Johnny, Darry and I. It was a quiet evening, but not one I'd soon forget. When we finally crashed for the night, silent tears were shed. It was the first Christmas without Ponyboy, and before long, it'd be the first new year. It felt wrong in so many ways, but none of us dared to say it.

That night, my life changed so dramatically, I don't even know where to begin.


	17. Chapter 16

That night, we got a call that shattered any ounce of hope we may have had. That night, the worst tragedy we could have faced, shook us to our core.

It was just barely 2 in the morning when I heard the phone ring. I nudged Darry who got up to answer it. It was him who noticed that Johnny wasn't on the couch where he normally was. I listened tiredly as Darry answered the phone. Soda came into our bedroom and curled up on the foot of the bed, Minnie in his arms. He looked spooked, like he just had a bad dream. We both sat there in silence, waiting for Darry to come back. We both must have been sharing the same thought – that it was strange someone would call at such a strange hour.

"We have to go down to the hospital," Darry said as he came back into the bedroom. I gave him a funny look and waited for him to continue. "Johnny was found...uhm...Johnny was found pretty messed up. They can't get a hold of his folks, so..." Darry's voice seemed too shaky, too familiar.

"Darry, what's wrong with Johnny?" I asked.

"Was he jumped?" Soda added.

"No...It's bad. Real bad," Darry said. "I guess...I guess he just couldn't take it no more,"

"Darry, what do you mean?" I asked cautiously.

"Johnny...he found a gun when he was with Dally at Buck's before Dally got hauled in...and he..." Darry's voice broke. I felt my heart rip outta my chest. I pulled my knees to my chest and bit back a scream. Soda froze, eyes wide, his breathing coming in short gasps.

"Is he dead?" I whispered, my voice barely making a sound. When Darry didn't answer, I looked up and asked again, this time, practically screaming.

"T-they didn't say," Darry said softly. I pressed my eyes shut tight, my stomach churning. I jumped up and ran for the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me.

I heaved all the contents from my stomach, and rocked back on my heels, taking deep, quick breaths. Darry pushed the door open a moment later and handed me a pair of jeans and a sweater.

"Get dressed. We're going to the hospital," Darry said sharply, his tone cutting me like a knife. Mechanically, I put on the clothes and walked out of the bathroom. Both dogs seemed to understand something was wrong, because neither put up a fight when I gated them into the kitchen, newspapers spread across the floor.

We met at the truck, none bothering to talk. Soda got into the truck first, and Darry and I silently debated who should drive. I was safer, he was faster. He handed me the keys, and I knew he was too upset to get behind the wheel, not that I was any better – the last time I was in a car, we crashed. Shivering at the memory, I looked at Soda, who sighed and snatched the keys. It was amazing how we could all communicate without talking.

When we got to the hospital, we ran down the hall, sliding to a stop at the nurses station.

"Johnny Cade," I demanded, breathless.

"Kaylly, I'm assuming they called you lot because they couldn't get a hold of his folks, correct?" the nurse asked. I didn't care how she knew my name, but I nodded. "I must prepare you, he's very, very weak. We're figurin' a few more hours at the best, I'll send the doctor in to explain it to you as soon as I can."

She pointed towards the ICU and my heart dropped. I'd been in there before, it's a horrible place that stinks of death. Taking a shaking breath, and holding onto Darry's hand as tightly as possible, we slowly made our way into the room.

"Oh Johnnycakes," I whispered when I saw him. My knees gave way and I crashed to the floor, my heart skipping a beat.

Time seemed to stand still, for that short moment, as reality struck.

"_You can't! You can't jus' up and leave too!"_

"_No! You can't jus' go and leave!"_

"I'm so sorry, buddy, for not knowing what you meant," I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks.

We were all in shock when the doctor came into the room. He explained that Johnny had over dosed on pills and aimed to shoot himself in the head. Instead, his hand slipped and he ended up blowing half his face off. Much to their surprise, he was still alive when the police found him in an ally just a few blocks from his house. As it stood, he was only alive because they had him of a heart and lung machine, he was proclaimed brain dead at the scene.

"H-how are you sure?" I asked, my heart pounding so loud I wouldn't have been surprised if he heard it.

"We're doctors, Ma'am, it's our job. We called you so you could say your goodbyes, and we hoped you could get his folks to come down," he said emotionlessly.

"His folks won't come," I whispered.

Silence fell on our tiny group. Someone called Steve and Two-Bit, because they were there when Johnny passed away. We all held hands and remained stone still, as the life left our little friend. Steve broke the silence when he wheeled away, cussing something fierce. Two-Bit looked like a broken man. Soda was sobbing bitterly, and Darry was staring straight ahead, all life seeping from his eyes. I watched as the sheet was pulled over Johnny's battered face. I couldn't breathe.

My chest filled with a knot, my lungs seemed to fail me. My heart seemed to stop. I felt like I was floating away, everything I'd known and loved, taken, in a blink of an eye.

"This is bullshit," I said suddenly, shocking everyone. "This is fucking bullshit. There ain't no way in hell this kid deserved to fucking die like this."

"Easy," Soda whispered, his eyes rimmed with tears, wide, scared.

"No. This isn't fucking right!" I screamed.

"Grab her," someone said. I felt strong arms lock around me, but I fought back. I pulled and twisted, until I finally broke free. I looked around the room, heat flowing through my veins. Anger. Hate. Desperation. I let out a cross between a sob and a scream, and bolted from the room, worried shouts following after me.

It was outside that all the anger finally seeped from my bones. The cold winter's air hit me and knocked me back. It was still early, well before the sun would rise. And I was suddenly cold. Cold and scared. Why did this keep happening? Why did the people we cared about keep getting ripped away from us?

I ended up walking home that night, not even caring that I was cold, and didn't even think as much as to bring my switch with me. I walked well lighted streets and avoided groups of people. Street smarts. I made it home what felt like a life time later, and shoved open the front door. Darry looked up from the couch but said nothing, for once, too broken to lecture me. I walked into the bedroom, my entire body frozen to the core, and curled up in the middle of the bed, Killer pressed tightly against me, trying to soothe away the chill.

"Why does this keep happening?" I asked the dog, who simply whined in response.

"Wake up!" Darry said, shaking my violently. My eyes snapped open, my heart racing. My throat felt as if I'd been screaming.

"You had a nightmare," Darry explained. Suddenly, everything came back to me.

"Johnny, where's Johnny?" I asked urgently.

"On the couch like he always is?" Darry said, eyes widening with concern. I got outta bed and half stumbled down the hall. When I saw Johnny sitting on the couch holding a glass of hot chocolate, I could have cried. I threw myself at him, knocking his glass from his hands. Wrapping him in a tight hug, I was ready to never let the kid go.

"Golly, what's wrong?" Johnny asked, shaking the coco from his hair.

"You don't even want to know," I yelped. I hugged him tighter, before finally letting him go. He was looking at me real funny, and I think Darry was 'bout ready to have me committed.

I didn't care. For whatever reason, it was a dream, and Johnny was very much alive. That was what mattered.

That dream changed me though, scarred me to the point where I started to jump at everything, and worry ten times worse than Darry – without any real reason to do so. That dreamed messed with my head, and I just couldn't shake it.


	18. Conclusion

"Feeling any better?" Soda asked a week later, as he handed me a cup of tea. I shook my head. I'd been stuck in bed the last 3 days, thanks to the flu. I pulled the blanket tighter and closed my eyes. Darry felt bad when I got sick, because he's convinced he gave it to me. Silly boy, the flu spreads like wild fire.

"How's Darry feeling?" I asked. We ended up agreeing one of us should have the couch, the other the bed, so we weren't passing germs back and forth.

"His fever broke, unlike yours," Soda said, shaking his head. "He's worried about you,"

"He's always worried," I murmured and inched to the edge of the bed.

"Where do you think you're going?" Soda asked.

"To feed my dog, read the newspaper, and check on Darry," I replied simply. I was like my mother that way. I hated being stuck in bed, even when I was sick.

"You're staying right here," Soda demanded.

"Please?" I begged. Even though I felt lousy, I felt even more lousy because I hadn't been able to do anything.

"No. I'll bring Killer up here if you want to see him so bad," Soda said, getting up to go get the dog.

"I'd rather see Darry," I called. I shook my head, then wished I hadn't. My stomach churned, and – no thanks to the mess on the floor- I stumbled my way into the bathroom.

"See?" Soda said softly, as he pulled my hair outta my face.

"Grr," I growled, then sank to the floor, unwilling to move again. "I hate the flu,"

"We all do," Soda said softly, pressing a damp cloth to my forehead.

"You're lucky, you didn't catch it this time 'round," I muttered. I leaned against the tub, and groaned.

"You're looking a little better," Soda said softly.

"Shut up," I said with a smile.

"Hold still," he said suddenly. Before I could object, he was shoving the thermometer in my mouth. I waited for him to pull it out, and when he did, his face went pale.

"What's wrong now?" I asked tiredly.

"103.5," Soda said worriedly. We both knew that if my temperature hit 104, it was another trip to the hospital.

"I'll be fine," I said tiredly. "Go tend to Darry,"

"I don't need to be tended to," he said with a yawn as he joined us in the bathroom. I forced a smile, but I had a feeling it didn't reach my eyes. Soda showed him the thermometer, and Darry's eyes widened.

"Maybe we should take her in now?" he suggested.

"No!" I yelped, moving much too quickly. I blinked when a bright flash of white clouded my sight for a moment, then looked up at them both. "No. I'm tired of the damn hospitals. It's the flu. I've had a million times, I'll live,"

"She's feisty even when she's sick, huh?" a voice came from behind. I looked up to see Two-Bit, who came prepared with what looked like more medicine, soup, and orange juice.

"What has the world come to? When Two-Bit Mathews goes shopping!" I laughed.

"Hey," Two-Bit didn't even have a comeback. I leaned against the tub again and closed my eyes. I heard feet shuffle, but was too tired to care.

"If her fever spikes again, then what?" I heard Two-Bit ask, now that the pair had filled him in.

"We'll have to take her to the hospital," Darry said tiredly. He might have been over the worst of it, but I knew how exhausted he was.

I dozed off as they continued to debate the situation. I felt warm fur pressed against me, then a cold nose rub against my cheek. I leaned into the dog, letting my body rest against his.

Three days later, and I was finally well enough to walk around. Darry was looking like he fully recovered, though his voice was still hoarse from being sick. He wrapped his arms around me when I padded into the kitchen, a smile crossing his face.

"You look better," he said softly, kissing the top of my head.

"I feel it," I said with a smile. I glanced at the livingroom and saw Johnny sitting cross legged on the floor, watching Mickey Mouse.

"Told you I'd be fine," I added.

"Yeah, you did," he laughed. I turned away and looked at the calender. It was the 4th of the year. I shook my head, upset that I'd missed the new year.

"Darry, we need to talk," I said suddenly. I didn't want to have this conversation, not then, not ever.

"What's wrong?" he asked. We both sat down and stared at one another. His icy blue eyes melted my soul, as they had for as long as I care to remember.

"I need to go up to New York, my brothers need me," I said slowly, gauging his reaction. His face was emotionless as he listened. "Tyler told me they were up in Allegheny, out in the country, away from city life," I continued. I felt tears well in my eyes. "I planned to leave after the first of the year, but what with getting sick and everything...I have to go though. If I've learned nothing else from being with the gang for all these years, having been through all we have, I learned that nothing, no matter how awful, should ever come between family. At least, not between siblings. Granted, my old man is a piece of work, but he's not who I'm going for. I'm going for Timmy, Tyler, Tommy and Riley. I can't help but feel that it's my fault Little Jenny's dead, and my fault that Riley just can't take it anymore," I went on to explain the dream I had before we both got sick.

"A dream about Johnny dying's what's making you go?" he asked, his voice sad.

"No. A dream about Johnny dying made me realize that I have to be there for my brothers, biological and otherwise," I said softly. I took his hands in mine, tears rolling down my cheeks. "I love you, Darrel Curtis, with my whole heart and soul, but I have to do this. I want you and Soda to come with me," I whispered.

"We can't jus' up and leave, Kaylly, neither can you," Darry said, his voice breaking.

"We won't be gone forever. Just long enough for me to fix what I should have fixed years ago," I begged.

"I...we can't. I love you, Kaylly, but we can't just up and leave. I can't afford to take time off work, and god, I can't lose this house," Darry said shaking his head. "If you have to go, go. I'll be here when you come back."

That was the end of it. I packed my things that night, and the following morning, I left, saying nothing to anyone. I knew Soda would resent me for just leaving on him, and Darry prolly wouldn't wait around forever, but this was something I had to do. I had to go face my demons, and save my brothers from a life of pain, regret, and torment.

I drove into the sunrise, Killer in the passenger seat of my Ford, his head out the window, watching, as we left behind the only life we'd ever known, to embrace one thousands of miles away.

I'd promised myself that it wasn't goodbye, just see you soon, but deep in my heart, I knew, that by leaving, I was leaving behind the love of my life, and the life I loved to hate.

To say I wouldn't miss Tulsa, would be the biggest lie I ever told. My heart and soul stayed behind, but I had a promise to uphold. I'd come back, to that house, that family, that love, one day, but for now, I was on my way to a new state, a new life, and a family that needed me.

Because as Pony told Johnny, in the famous words of Robert Frost, 'Nothing gold can stay.'

**To Be Continued...**

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_A/n;; This is the end of the first book in the mini series. I gratefully thank everyone who has reviewed and stuck with me, through every chapter, no matter how strange. Stay tuned for the next book in the series, "Returning Home" which will be posted shortly! All feedback is greatly appreciated! And remember, Stay Gold. :)_


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